***The co-founder of the Gap, Donald G. Fisher, died yesterday at the age of 81. He's survived by his wife and Gap Kids.***
Congratulations to Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom who tied the knot this weekend at a ceremony attended by many of Odom's Laker teammates. The biggest highlight came at the reception when Khloe tossed the bouquet over her shoulder and Kobe Bryant caught it in mid-air and dunked it.
Congratulations to the New York Yankees – this weekend they swept the Boston Red Sox in three games and clinched the American League East Title! Yep, the Yankees clinched... meanwhile in prison, Plaxico Burress clenched.
A 92-year-old woman in New Hampshire celebrated her birthday by sky-diving from a plane at 13,000 feet. When asked how she managed to avoid letting sky-diving scare the crap out of her, she answered, "Depends..."
Congratulations to Fernando and Yolanda Martinez - who own the Country Boys Taco Truck in Brooklyn - they won the fifth annual Vendy Award, which celebrates the best of New York's street food. Coming in last place: "Muammar Qaddafi's Falafal Tent. "
"Al Roker's Leftover Wagon"
"Ernie Anastos's "Keep F*ckin' that Chicken" kabobs.
"Donald Trump's Hair-epas"
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
9/25/09
Happy 40th birthday to Catherine Zeta-Jones and Happy 65th birthday to
her husband, Michael Douglas. To celebrate the couple exchanged gifts:
He gave her a diamond bracelet and she gave him a Medic-Alert
bracelet.
Michael Vick is expected to play in his first NFL game since 2006 on
Sunday when the Philadelphia Eagles play the Kansas City Chiefs. Vick
could see action in the 4th quarter... or earlier with good behavior.
What a historic week we just had here in New York City. Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad, Mommar Qaddafi, and Hugo Chavez all spoke before the
meeting of the UN Security Council. Historians are calling it the
worst episode of "Madmen" ever.
First Lady Michelle Obama hosted a dinner last night for the wives of
the G-20 leaders... or as they're better known, the Real Housewives of
the G-20.
Police in Pittsburgh had to use pepper spray on a group of more than
500 people yesterday, protesting the G-20 Summit. A spokesman for the
protesters said, "it could've been worse, we could've been at a
Pirates game."
A woman in Arkansas discovered that she had conceived a child while
she was 2 ½ weeks into another pregnancy. Jon Gosselin said, "Yes! I
knew I could do it!"
President Obama and British leaders accused Iran on Friday of building
a secret underground plant to manufacture nuclear fuel. The accusation
came after a secret meeting between President Obama and James Bond.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said that the UN doesn’t smell of
sulfur anymore and that “it smells of something else...." Then Joe
Wison stood up and yelled, "he who smelt it, dealt it!"
A restaurant in Washington, D.C. has a new item on its menu named
after Michelle Obama called the “Michelle Melt.” It’s a turkey burger
on a wheat bun with onions, Swiss, lettuce, tomato, herbs, and mayo.
Also on the menu is the Biden Burger... It's a hamburger topped with
really fake-looking lettuce.
A restaurant in Washington, D.C. has a new item on its menu named
after Michelle Obama called the “Michelle Melt.” It’s a turkey burger
on a wheat bun with onions, Swiss, lettuce, tomato, herbs, and mayo.
Also on the menu is the Biden BLT... I'd read you the ingredients but
the list goes on forever.
... It's got bacon, lettuce, tomato and about 100 other useless ingredients.
Did you hear about this? Libyan leader Mommar Qaddafi’s translator
collapsed during his rant at the UN this week, saying “I just can’t
take it anymore.” Poor guy, apparently he was up all night outside
Qaddafi's tent on Coyote watch.
her husband, Michael Douglas. To celebrate the couple exchanged gifts:
He gave her a diamond bracelet and she gave him a Medic-Alert
bracelet.
Michael Vick is expected to play in his first NFL game since 2006 on
Sunday when the Philadelphia Eagles play the Kansas City Chiefs. Vick
could see action in the 4th quarter... or earlier with good behavior.
What a historic week we just had here in New York City. Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad, Mommar Qaddafi, and Hugo Chavez all spoke before the
meeting of the UN Security Council. Historians are calling it the
worst episode of "Madmen" ever.
First Lady Michelle Obama hosted a dinner last night for the wives of
the G-20 leaders... or as they're better known, the Real Housewives of
the G-20.
Police in Pittsburgh had to use pepper spray on a group of more than
500 people yesterday, protesting the G-20 Summit. A spokesman for the
protesters said, "it could've been worse, we could've been at a
Pirates game."
A woman in Arkansas discovered that she had conceived a child while
she was 2 ½ weeks into another pregnancy. Jon Gosselin said, "Yes! I
knew I could do it!"
President Obama and British leaders accused Iran on Friday of building
a secret underground plant to manufacture nuclear fuel. The accusation
came after a secret meeting between President Obama and James Bond.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said that the UN doesn’t smell of
sulfur anymore and that “it smells of something else...." Then Joe
Wison stood up and yelled, "he who smelt it, dealt it!"
A restaurant in Washington, D.C. has a new item on its menu named
after Michelle Obama called the “Michelle Melt.” It’s a turkey burger
on a wheat bun with onions, Swiss, lettuce, tomato, herbs, and mayo.
Also on the menu is the Biden Burger... It's a hamburger topped with
really fake-looking lettuce.
A restaurant in Washington, D.C. has a new item on its menu named
after Michelle Obama called the “Michelle Melt.” It’s a turkey burger
on a wheat bun with onions, Swiss, lettuce, tomato, herbs, and mayo.
Also on the menu is the Biden BLT... I'd read you the ingredients but
the list goes on forever.
... It's got bacon, lettuce, tomato and about 100 other useless ingredients.
Did you hear about this? Libyan leader Mommar Qaddafi’s translator
collapsed during his rant at the UN this week, saying “I just can’t
take it anymore.” Poor guy, apparently he was up all night outside
Qaddafi's tent on Coyote watch.
Friday, September 25, 2009
9/24/09
Big day today for President Obama... this morning in New York he spokebefore the UN Security Council... in the afternoon he traveled toPittsburgh for the G-20 Summit... then he flew down south for dinnerwith the Real Housewives of Atlanta...
In his 96-minute speech at the UN yesterday, Libyan leader Mommar Qaddafi tore up a copy of the UN charter. But in his defense Qaddafi's been living in a tent all week, he probably just needed some toilet paper.
Qaddafi referred to President Obama as "his son" and would be happy if Obama “would stay for ever as president. Then he asked Obama to be his BFF.
Qaddafi called for new investigations into the assassination of JFK. Qaddafi even offered to help saying he's willing to spend as long as it takes living in a tent on the grassy knoll.
A woman in Indonesia gave birth to a 19.2-pound baby boy this week –the heaviest newborn ever recorded in the country. The mother took onelook at the size of her son and named him KFed.
Dr. Sanjay Gupta announced yesterday on his blog that he contractedswine flu while he was reporting in Afghanistan. He said the worstsymptom was coughing up all that "Gupta."
A new NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll finds that more Americans favor Glenn Beck over Rush Limbaugh... in a bathing suit.
Workers at a recycling center in California found more than $3,000 incash while sorting trash yesterday. You know what they say, "one man's trash is another man's really smelly treasure."
In his 96-minute speech at the UN yesterday, Libyan leader Mommar Qaddafi tore up a copy of the UN charter. But in his defense Qaddafi's been living in a tent all week, he probably just needed some toilet paper.
Qaddafi referred to President Obama as "his son" and would be happy if Obama “would stay for ever as president. Then he asked Obama to be his BFF.
Qaddafi called for new investigations into the assassination of JFK. Qaddafi even offered to help saying he's willing to spend as long as it takes living in a tent on the grassy knoll.
A woman in Indonesia gave birth to a 19.2-pound baby boy this week –the heaviest newborn ever recorded in the country. The mother took onelook at the size of her son and named him KFed.
Dr. Sanjay Gupta announced yesterday on his blog that he contractedswine flu while he was reporting in Afghanistan. He said the worstsymptom was coughing up all that "Gupta."
A new NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll finds that more Americans favor Glenn Beck over Rush Limbaugh... in a bathing suit.
Workers at a recycling center in California found more than $3,000 incash while sorting trash yesterday. You know what they say, "one man's trash is another man's really smelly treasure."
9/23/09
Happy Happy birthday to the Boss! Bruce Springsteen turned 60 yearsold today. Wow, the Boss is 60 -- nowadays when he sings "Born to Run" he's mostly talking about goin' to the bathroom.
Leaders from Canada walked out of Iranian President MahmoudAhmadinejad’s speech at the U.N. today – and urged all delegates inthe 192-member chamber to do the same. Though it was a tough sellsince the Canadians walked out to attend a Celine Dion concert.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s speech at the U.N. today – and urged alldelegates in the 192-member chamber to do the same. Unfortunatelynobody responded to the Canadians' pleas of, "come on everybody, we'rewalking oot! Why is nobody else walking oot with us? Are you comingwith us, we're walking oot!"
I read this in Time Magazine - Former Presidential candidate Ralph Nader said that President Obama was - "Weak. Waffling, wavering, and ambiguous." Apparently when you finish 3rd in a presidential election you win a lifetime supply of "word of the day" desk calendars.
Last night Arizona Diamondbacks third baseman Mark Reynolds set a new major league baseball record when he struck out for the 205th timethis season. To put that number in perspective, Reynolds has made less contact with balls this year than Rosie O'Donnell.
German leaders planned to walk out of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s speech at the U.N. today if he denied the Holocaust or made any anti-Semitic statements. Unless his statements were set to a tecno beat, then they'd be cool with it.
Leaders from Canada walked out of Iranian President MahmoudAhmadinejad’s speech at the U.N. today – and urged all delegates inthe 192-member chamber to do the same. Though it was a tough sellsince the Canadians walked out to attend a Celine Dion concert.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s speech at the U.N. today – and urged alldelegates in the 192-member chamber to do the same. Unfortunatelynobody responded to the Canadians' pleas of, "come on everybody, we'rewalking oot! Why is nobody else walking oot with us? Are you comingwith us, we're walking oot!"
I read this in Time Magazine - Former Presidential candidate Ralph Nader said that President Obama was - "Weak. Waffling, wavering, and ambiguous." Apparently when you finish 3rd in a presidential election you win a lifetime supply of "word of the day" desk calendars.
Last night Arizona Diamondbacks third baseman Mark Reynolds set a new major league baseball record when he struck out for the 205th timethis season. To put that number in perspective, Reynolds has made less contact with balls this year than Rosie O'Donnell.
German leaders planned to walk out of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s speech at the U.N. today if he denied the Holocaust or made any anti-Semitic statements. Unless his statements were set to a tecno beat, then they'd be cool with it.
9/22/09
Police are investigating the theft of $400,000 worth of jewelry fromthe home of Buffalo Bills safety Donte Whitner. I think it's safe to say none of the stolen jewelry included any Superbowl rings.
Ratings for Sunday night’s Emmy Awards rose to 13.3 million – that's a million more viewers than last year. Producers are attributing the extra million viewers to the chick from Madmen's boobs.
President Obama shook hands with New York Governor David Paterson yesterday at the Albany airport – two days after he asked the governornot to run in 2010 - which could explain why during the handshake, Patterson never made eye contact with Obama.
Did you guys catch the premiere of Dancing with the Stars last night?Former Republican House Majority Leader Tom Delay danced the Cha-Chato the song, "Wild Thing" - and then judge Bruno called him, "crazier than Sarah Palin." DeLay responded by calling Bruno a fascist.
Former House Majority Leader Tom Delay made his debut on the premiere of Dancing with the Stars last night and said in order to succeed onthe dance floor he had to "get in touch with his feminine side." Rush Limbaugh advised him to just do what he does: grow man boobs.
Researchers in the U.S. are now testing a new "topical cream" for erectile dysfunction. The topic: Disgusting stuff researchers have to do.
President Obama has been urging NY Governor David Patterson not to run for another term as Governor but just this weekend the two met at anairport in Albany and whispered to each other. Depsite the meeting insiders claim the two still don't see eye-to-eye.
Ratings for Sunday night’s Emmy Awards rose to 13.3 million – that's a million more viewers than last year. Producers are attributing the extra million viewers to the chick from Madmen's boobs.
President Obama shook hands with New York Governor David Paterson yesterday at the Albany airport – two days after he asked the governornot to run in 2010 - which could explain why during the handshake, Patterson never made eye contact with Obama.
Did you guys catch the premiere of Dancing with the Stars last night?Former Republican House Majority Leader Tom Delay danced the Cha-Chato the song, "Wild Thing" - and then judge Bruno called him, "crazier than Sarah Palin." DeLay responded by calling Bruno a fascist.
Former House Majority Leader Tom Delay made his debut on the premiere of Dancing with the Stars last night and said in order to succeed onthe dance floor he had to "get in touch with his feminine side." Rush Limbaugh advised him to just do what he does: grow man boobs.
Researchers in the U.S. are now testing a new "topical cream" for erectile dysfunction. The topic: Disgusting stuff researchers have to do.
President Obama has been urging NY Governor David Patterson not to run for another term as Governor but just this weekend the two met at anairport in Albany and whispered to each other. Depsite the meeting insiders claim the two still don't see eye-to-eye.
Monday, September 21, 2009
9/21/09
In the first game played at the new billion dollar "Dallas Stadium"
last night, the Cowboys lost to the Giants 33-31. Tony Romo threw
three interceptions but on the bright side none of his passes hit the
scoreboard.
Today is the last day of Summer - which means Lady Gaga can put away
all her short-sleeved male genitalia.
Last night the Emmy's unveiled a new format where the show was broken
into five specific award genres: Comedy, Reality, Variety Drama, and
shows about sharks.
Republican Senator Lindsey Graham criticized President Obama’s media
blitz over the weekend, saying “he’s been on everything but the Food
Channel.” Ironically Graham made the statement while appearing on his
new Food Network show, "Whiners, Drive-ins and Dives."
A New Jersey man was arrested after his 4-year-old son brought his
cocaine to daycare and handed it out to other kids. Daycare
authorities knew something was wrong after the wheels on the bus would
not stop going, "round and round, round and round, round and round!"
(speed reading)
Avril Lavigne and her husband of three years – Sum 41 frontman, Deryck
Whibley – are getting a divorce. Apparently, "he was a Sk8er Boy, she
said see ya later boy." (Singing)
A naked 91-year-old man in Florida was able to hold a drunken intruder
at gunpoint until police arrived on Saturday. Authorities on the scene
said they weren't sure if it was the most amazing home invasion story
they'd ever seen or the most disturbing Cialis commercial.
Happy, happy birthday to Nicole Ritchie. She turned 28... pounds.
Today is the last day of summer, and tomorrow is the first day of
fall… which means no more open toes for Lady Gaga, just camel toes.
A 42-year-old man from Pennsylvania won the World Grits Eating
Championship on Saturday, a day after he won the World Burrito eating
championship on Friday. When presented with his trophies the man
burped, “thank you.” (burped)
last night, the Cowboys lost to the Giants 33-31. Tony Romo threw
three interceptions but on the bright side none of his passes hit the
scoreboard.
Today is the last day of Summer - which means Lady Gaga can put away
all her short-sleeved male genitalia.
Last night the Emmy's unveiled a new format where the show was broken
into five specific award genres: Comedy, Reality, Variety Drama, and
shows about sharks.
Republican Senator Lindsey Graham criticized President Obama’s media
blitz over the weekend, saying “he’s been on everything but the Food
Channel.” Ironically Graham made the statement while appearing on his
new Food Network show, "Whiners, Drive-ins and Dives."
A New Jersey man was arrested after his 4-year-old son brought his
cocaine to daycare and handed it out to other kids. Daycare
authorities knew something was wrong after the wheels on the bus would
not stop going, "round and round, round and round, round and round!"
(speed reading)
Avril Lavigne and her husband of three years – Sum 41 frontman, Deryck
Whibley – are getting a divorce. Apparently, "he was a Sk8er Boy, she
said see ya later boy." (Singing)
A naked 91-year-old man in Florida was able to hold a drunken intruder
at gunpoint until police arrived on Saturday. Authorities on the scene
said they weren't sure if it was the most amazing home invasion story
they'd ever seen or the most disturbing Cialis commercial.
Happy, happy birthday to Nicole Ritchie. She turned 28... pounds.
Today is the last day of summer, and tomorrow is the first day of
fall… which means no more open toes for Lady Gaga, just camel toes.
A 42-year-old man from Pennsylvania won the World Grits Eating
Championship on Saturday, a day after he won the World Burrito eating
championship on Friday. When presented with his trophies the man
burped, “thank you.” (burped)
9/18/09
New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan sent a phone message out to some NY
Jet fans asking them to make it miserable for Tom Brady - when the
Patriots play the Jets this weekend. He suggested the Patriots sign
Terrell Owens.
Sunday is the regular season debut of the new home to the Dallas
Cowboys - the $1.3 billion “Dallas Stadium”. Most of the money was
spent on a state of the art security gate meant to keep Jessica
Simpson out.
Dallas Stadium has a retractable roof, the world's largest high
definition video screen, and private luxury suites can be purchased
for up to $500,000 a year. And for an extra hundred grand they’ll
throw in a couple Yankees tickets.
Today is National Cheeseburger Day! President Obama honored the
occasion by inviting representatives from “McDonald Land” to the White
House.
... President Obama marked the occasion by pardoning the “Hamburglar”
of all his crimes.
... To honor the occasion the Obama’s hosted a White House dinner for
the Burger King.
Jet fans asking them to make it miserable for Tom Brady - when the
Patriots play the Jets this weekend. He suggested the Patriots sign
Terrell Owens.
Sunday is the regular season debut of the new home to the Dallas
Cowboys - the $1.3 billion “Dallas Stadium”. Most of the money was
spent on a state of the art security gate meant to keep Jessica
Simpson out.
Dallas Stadium has a retractable roof, the world's largest high
definition video screen, and private luxury suites can be purchased
for up to $500,000 a year. And for an extra hundred grand they’ll
throw in a couple Yankees tickets.
Today is National Cheeseburger Day! President Obama honored the
occasion by inviting representatives from “McDonald Land” to the White
House.
... President Obama marked the occasion by pardoning the “Hamburglar”
of all his crimes.
... To honor the occasion the Obama’s hosted a White House dinner for
the Burger King.
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