Tuesday, December 15, 2009

12/14/09

Yesterday the Senate passed a $1.1 trillion spending bill with increased budgets for health, education, law and veterans’ programs. In other words, China just upped our allowance.

In order to boost attendance, a church in New Jersey is offering “Football Sunday,” where people can where jerseys to church and tailgate in the parking lot. So far it's working great except for all the vomit in the collection plate.

According to a new Rasmussen poll, President Obama’s approval rating is now at 44% - a new low. Yeah his numbers are decreasing faster than Tiger Woods' bank account.

Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi was hit in the face yesterday by a deranged man. He suffered a fractured nose and two broken teeth. Italy is reeling from the incident, in fact out of respect for Burlusconi, today the Italian Parliament observed a somber moment of "Oooohhhhh"...

During last night’s “Christmas at the White House” special, the Obamas said they will leave cookies and milk in the yellow room for Santa. That's just what the Secret Service needs - another visitor at the White house with a history of sneeking into places.

Tiger Woods announced this weekend that he is leaving golf indefinitely. The rest of the PGA tour was like, "great, more chicks for the rest of us!" -- meanwhile chicks were like, "great, now we have to have sex with Vijay Singh..."

The Association of Traditional French Cheese Makers just came out with a promotional pin-up calendar featuring sexy models selling regional cheeses. I just got my copy and let me tell you, each month is hotter than the next... except for April which features Ms. Cottage Cheese.

MTV’s new reality show “Jersey Shore,” doubled its ratings in its second week from 1.37 million viewers for the series premiere, to 2.1 million for the second episode. When asked to explain the success of the show, MTV said they've never seen a cast GEL this much.

In case you were wondering... according to E!, "Tiger’s Wood" is “the official porn parody of the non-golf exploits of” Tiger Woods." So don't be fooled by all the unofficial Tiger Woods porn movies out there like, "Who's Your Caddy?" or "Tiger's PGA Whore"

Happy Birthday to Bob Barker, yesterday he turned 86 years old. Though his actual retail age iiiiiiiiis: 105!

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