It was reported this week that a 3-D installment of the movie, Gremlins is in development. The story is based on a real-life 3-D gremlin named, Snooki.
A sextape featuring former Senator John Edwards and his mistress Rielle Hunter is rumored to exist and those who’ve seen it claim Edwards is “physically striking, in a certain area.” Yeah I’ve seen it and it’s “Rielle” big.
A year ago this week a mother of six named Nadya Suleman gave birth to octuplets. Today also marks the anniversary of the death of her vagina.
This week marked the one-year anniversary of the birth of the Octomom’s Octuplets… and the death of her vagina.
A nest of red-tailed hawks have made their home on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. They join another breed of hawks already nesting in the neighborhood: Faux Hawks.
Police arrested a man in Missouri after he tried to swallow a two-karat diamond ring he was suspected of stealing, but then coughed it back up. Upon witnessing the man regurgitate the ring police were able to confirm that “he went to Jared.”
According to an appraiser, the 130 million dollar Picasso painting damaged when a woman fell into it this week lost half its value and is now only worth 65 million dollars. Authorities are now investigating whether the woman may’ve also fallen into your 401K.
There is a growing dog-surfing craze along California’s beaches, in which owners take their pets out on the waves with them. Great, now when you’re in the Ocean and you step on something squishy, it’s probably not a jelly fish.
Air New Zealand announced this week that it will introduce new coach seats that recline into an almost flat bed on which two adults can sleep. Which is great news for anyone who’s ever wanted to spoon with the Sikh with his shoes off in 13C.
Huge week for Avatar: On Monday the movie officially topped “Titanic’s” 13 year-old world-wide box office record, becoming the highest grossing movie of all time… and James Cameron’s hair qualified for “Locks of Love.”
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
1/25/10
This week Michael Jackson "This Is It" is available on Blu-Ray ... but it’s only a matter of time until it becomes available on White-Ray
Preparations are already underway for the New Orleans Saints to play in their first-ever Superbowl: Definitely not performing at Halftime: Katrina and the Waves.
A school district in Southern California has removed dictionaries from classrooms because a parent complained when a child looked up the term “oral sex.” Just to be safe the school district also removed all arts and craft supplies to avoid any of female students learning how to “scissor.”
It was reported this week that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are splitting up. Apparently Jolie wants to adopt more children while Pitt wants to spend more time with his beard.
Passengers on a flight from Washington, DC to Las Vegas on Saturday tackled an ‘unruly’ man, who knocked on the cockpit door during the flight. He was arrested for violating the FAA regulation: “If this plane’s a-rockin’, don’t come-a knockin’.”
Gary Coleman was arrested on Sunday on a warrant for failing to appear in court on a previous domestic violence charge. When Coleman learned of the charges his only question was, “What’choo talkin’ ‘bout Officer?”
More than 100 Russian Orthodox believers have been hospitalized after drinking holy water during Epiphany celebrations. Their epiphany? Holy water is not vodka.
Apple may allow all US carriers to sell the iPhone before the end of the year - which is great news for the millions of cellular customers out there whose current phones can’t make fart noises.
A visitor to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York lost her balance and fell into a Picasso painting, accidentally tearing the canvas. Officials are calling it the worst night at the museum since the time Ben Stiller got locked inside over night.
This isn’t the first disturbance the woman’s caused at a museum… She once had to be escorted out of the Louvre for shouting at the Mona Lisa, “Stop staring at me, Bitch!”
Preparations are already underway for the New Orleans Saints to play in their first-ever Superbowl: Definitely not performing at Halftime: Katrina and the Waves.
A school district in Southern California has removed dictionaries from classrooms because a parent complained when a child looked up the term “oral sex.” Just to be safe the school district also removed all arts and craft supplies to avoid any of female students learning how to “scissor.”
It was reported this week that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are splitting up. Apparently Jolie wants to adopt more children while Pitt wants to spend more time with his beard.
Passengers on a flight from Washington, DC to Las Vegas on Saturday tackled an ‘unruly’ man, who knocked on the cockpit door during the flight. He was arrested for violating the FAA regulation: “If this plane’s a-rockin’, don’t come-a knockin’.”
Gary Coleman was arrested on Sunday on a warrant for failing to appear in court on a previous domestic violence charge. When Coleman learned of the charges his only question was, “What’choo talkin’ ‘bout Officer?”
More than 100 Russian Orthodox believers have been hospitalized after drinking holy water during Epiphany celebrations. Their epiphany? Holy water is not vodka.
Apple may allow all US carriers to sell the iPhone before the end of the year - which is great news for the millions of cellular customers out there whose current phones can’t make fart noises.
A visitor to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York lost her balance and fell into a Picasso painting, accidentally tearing the canvas. Officials are calling it the worst night at the museum since the time Ben Stiller got locked inside over night.
This isn’t the first disturbance the woman’s caused at a museum… She once had to be escorted out of the Louvre for shouting at the Mona Lisa, “Stop staring at me, Bitch!”
Friday, January 22, 2010
1/22/10
Oprah plans to interview Jay Leno on her show next week. In true Oprah fashion, every member of the audience that day will receive free tickets to the Tonight Show… Then in true NBC fashion, they’ll take the tickets back and give them to Leno.
An astronaut aboard the International Space Station posted the first ever Tweet from space today writing, “Hello Twitterverse!” Though NASA initially believed the tweet to be spam due to the astronaut’s screen name, “TangLover69”
Speaking publicly today about Republican Scott Brown’s improbable Senate victory in Massachusetts earlier this week, President Obama vowed, “There will be more fights in the days ahead.” He’s right, apparently now Leno wants Ted Kennedy’s old Senate seat so…
Israel agreed on a multi-million dollar payout with Hamas for the damage it caused to UN properties in the Gaza Strip last winter. Despite the payout, Israel did manage to retain ownership of Hamas’ beloved character, “Omar the Insult Comic Camel.”
A minor league prospect for the Oakland A’s has decided to retire from baseball in order to pursue the priesthood. Apparently he wasn’t getting enough balls in his face playing centerfield.
The plane Capt. Sully Sullenberger landed safely on the Hudson is now up for sale. You can enter the auction by logging onto Craigslist’s “Frightening Encounters” page.
A new study suggests that Humans could perhaps run as fast 40 mph. Yeah, but only if Snooki from the Jersey Shore is trying to make out with you.
Can you imagine that, running at a top speed of 40 mph? -- “Absolutely not,” said every owner of a Prius.
An astronaut aboard the International Space Station posted the first ever Tweet from space today writing, “Hello Twitterverse!” Though NASA initially believed the tweet to be spam due to the astronaut’s screen name, “TangLover69”
Speaking publicly today about Republican Scott Brown’s improbable Senate victory in Massachusetts earlier this week, President Obama vowed, “There will be more fights in the days ahead.” He’s right, apparently now Leno wants Ted Kennedy’s old Senate seat so…
Israel agreed on a multi-million dollar payout with Hamas for the damage it caused to UN properties in the Gaza Strip last winter. Despite the payout, Israel did manage to retain ownership of Hamas’ beloved character, “Omar the Insult Comic Camel.”
A minor league prospect for the Oakland A’s has decided to retire from baseball in order to pursue the priesthood. Apparently he wasn’t getting enough balls in his face playing centerfield.
The plane Capt. Sully Sullenberger landed safely on the Hudson is now up for sale. You can enter the auction by logging onto Craigslist’s “Frightening Encounters” page.
A new study suggests that Humans could perhaps run as fast 40 mph. Yeah, but only if Snooki from the Jersey Shore is trying to make out with you.
Can you imagine that, running at a top speed of 40 mph? -- “Absolutely not,” said every owner of a Prius.
1/21/10
Plane grounded due to suspicion over Orthodox teen's Tefillin. Even more humiliating, TSA agent performed a body cavity search on the kid thru a sheet.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
1/20/10
Mayor Bloomberg is requiring the heads of city agencies to rotate jobs for three weeks to shake up the status quo. A Police Chief will oversee the FDNY, a parks department head will oversee schools, and Whoopi Goldberg will coach the Knicks.
Buzz Aldrin turned 80 years old today. He’s still in tip top health although nowadays most everybody calls him “Whizz” Aldrin.
A 3D image of Michael Jackson will perform his 'Earth Song' at this year’s Grammy Awards. Unfortunately his nose will only be 1D.
During new Republican Massachusetts Senator, Scott Brown’s victory speech last night he introduced his two daughters and announced that they’re both “available.” For those interested, you can find their dating profiles on “GopHarmony.com”
During new Massachusetts Senator, Scott Brown’s victory speech last night he introduced his two daughters and announced that they’re both “available.” Then it just got weird when Mark Foley stood up and shouted, “Do you have any sons?”
Critics are calling Brown’s publicizing of his daughters’ dating status irresponsible and dangerous – mostly because Levi Johnston is single.
Buzz Aldrin turned 80 years old today. He’s still in tip top health although nowadays most everybody calls him “Whizz” Aldrin.
A 3D image of Michael Jackson will perform his 'Earth Song' at this year’s Grammy Awards. Unfortunately his nose will only be 1D.
During new Republican Massachusetts Senator, Scott Brown’s victory speech last night he introduced his two daughters and announced that they’re both “available.” For those interested, you can find their dating profiles on “GopHarmony.com”
During new Massachusetts Senator, Scott Brown’s victory speech last night he introduced his two daughters and announced that they’re both “available.” Then it just got weird when Mark Foley stood up and shouted, “Do you have any sons?”
Critics are calling Brown’s publicizing of his daughters’ dating status irresponsible and dangerous – mostly because Levi Johnston is single.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
1/19/10
Weight Watchers is suing rival Jenny Craig for running misleading ads. The case has inspired an upcoming episode of “Law and Order XXL.”
Kraft Foods has purchased Cadbury for $19.5 billion – making it the largest chocolate company in the world. As part of the deal the Cadbury Bunny will receive his own show at 11:30 on NBC.
Kraft Foods has purchased Cadbury for $19.5 billion – making it the largest chocolate company in the world. However, technically the largest producer of chocolate is still that chick from Two Girls One Cup.
Burger King is opening its first restaurant in Russia. The menu will stay the same but instead of having it your way, customers will have to have it the government’s way.
Burger King is opening its first restaurant in Russia. The menu will stay the same except now if you order BK Burger shots… it’s mostly vodka.
Did you see George Lopez let Jennifer Lopez perform the opening monologue on his late night show last night? Yeah, she was the biggest ass in late night since Magic Johnson.
A photo of Mo’Nique on the Golden Globes’ red carpet revealed the actress to have hairy legs. Women’s groups are praising her for her independence - meanwhile PETA demanded she apologize for wearing fur.
A photo of Mo’Nique on the Golden Globes’ red carpet revealed the actress to have hairy legs - Which explains why her movie “Precious” hasn’t done very well in Brazil.
You hear this, if Simon Cowell leaves American Idol next season, apparently LaToya Jackson wants to replace him. She’s a natural fit: She has the name recognition, the music industry experience, and her face is just as tight as Simon’s t-shirts.
Microsoft is in talks with Disney to enable live streaming content from ESPN on your Xbox360. In a related story, men are no longer in talks with women.
… So now the Xbox will be available with the ability for guys to play Call of Duty and watch Sportscenter… Men haven’t been this excited since women became available with boobs and a vagina.
Kraft Foods has purchased Cadbury for $19.5 billion – making it the largest chocolate company in the world. As part of the deal the Cadbury Bunny will receive his own show at 11:30 on NBC.
Kraft Foods has purchased Cadbury for $19.5 billion – making it the largest chocolate company in the world. However, technically the largest producer of chocolate is still that chick from Two Girls One Cup.
Burger King is opening its first restaurant in Russia. The menu will stay the same but instead of having it your way, customers will have to have it the government’s way.
Burger King is opening its first restaurant in Russia. The menu will stay the same except now if you order BK Burger shots… it’s mostly vodka.
Did you see George Lopez let Jennifer Lopez perform the opening monologue on his late night show last night? Yeah, she was the biggest ass in late night since Magic Johnson.
A photo of Mo’Nique on the Golden Globes’ red carpet revealed the actress to have hairy legs. Women’s groups are praising her for her independence - meanwhile PETA demanded she apologize for wearing fur.
A photo of Mo’Nique on the Golden Globes’ red carpet revealed the actress to have hairy legs - Which explains why her movie “Precious” hasn’t done very well in Brazil.
You hear this, if Simon Cowell leaves American Idol next season, apparently LaToya Jackson wants to replace him. She’s a natural fit: She has the name recognition, the music industry experience, and her face is just as tight as Simon’s t-shirts.
Microsoft is in talks with Disney to enable live streaming content from ESPN on your Xbox360. In a related story, men are no longer in talks with women.
… So now the Xbox will be available with the ability for guys to play Call of Duty and watch Sportscenter… Men haven’t been this excited since women became available with boobs and a vagina.
Monday, January 18, 2010
1/18/10
At one point during last night’s Golden Globes, Mike Tyson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Mickey Rourke each presented awards back-to-back-to-back. Yeah, it was NBC’s way of promoting their new show, “The Pronunciation Ref.”
Apple announced today a special event for Wednesday, January 27, in San Francisco to reveal to the public its "latest creation." The event is called for noon but knowing Apple, they’ll probably drop the call.
The event is going to be Huge! Apple users are planning to attend en mass, there’s an app available with daily updates about the event, and the department of homeland security has already issued a “Nerd Alert.”
Sad news, Glenn Bell Jr, the founder of Taco Bell, died over the weekend at age 86.
Per his wishes Bell will be sour-cremated.
The cause of death according to doctors: The Taco Bell “Drive-Thru” diet.
He’ll be buried in a strip mall alongside a Pizza Hut Express.
The family is planning a traditional burial: In the ground topped with a layer of dirt, a layer of grass, a layer of cheese...
The cause of death according to doctors: One too many fourth meals.
Huge weekend for Avatar. The movie surpassed $500 million at the US box office, snagged two Golden Globes, and James Cameron’s Hair qualified for “Locks of Love”
Producers of Fox’s “Glee” say they are creating a role on the series for Jennifer Lopez in which she’d play a cafeteria lady. Because if there’s one thing kids love, it’s J.Lo (Jell-o) for lunch.
She’ll be just like every other cafeteria lady except her Sloppy Joe will be served on extra large buns.
She’ll be just like every other cafeteria lady except in her line “your lunch don’t cost a thing… thing… thing.”
Apple announced today a special event for Wednesday, January 27, in San Francisco to reveal to the public its "latest creation." The event is called for noon but knowing Apple, they’ll probably drop the call.
The event is going to be Huge! Apple users are planning to attend en mass, there’s an app available with daily updates about the event, and the department of homeland security has already issued a “Nerd Alert.”
Sad news, Glenn Bell Jr, the founder of Taco Bell, died over the weekend at age 86.
Per his wishes Bell will be sour-cremated.
The cause of death according to doctors: The Taco Bell “Drive-Thru” diet.
He’ll be buried in a strip mall alongside a Pizza Hut Express.
The family is planning a traditional burial: In the ground topped with a layer of dirt, a layer of grass, a layer of cheese...
The cause of death according to doctors: One too many fourth meals.
Huge weekend for Avatar. The movie surpassed $500 million at the US box office, snagged two Golden Globes, and James Cameron’s Hair qualified for “Locks of Love”
Producers of Fox’s “Glee” say they are creating a role on the series for Jennifer Lopez in which she’d play a cafeteria lady. Because if there’s one thing kids love, it’s J.Lo (Jell-o) for lunch.
She’ll be just like every other cafeteria lady except her Sloppy Joe will be served on extra large buns.
She’ll be just like every other cafeteria lady except in her line “your lunch don’t cost a thing… thing… thing.”
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