I wrote:
It’s rumored that Sarah Palin will get her own radio talk show next
year. It’ll be a four hour show but Palin will only stick
around for the first three.
Fallon said:
"It'll be a four hour show but she'll be out after two"
Obama’s personal physician, Dr. David Scheiner described the
President’s health by saying, "The guy is built like a rock. He could
probably bench-press me." Then he corrected himself and said, “Excuse
me, I meant, the First Lady.”
Happy birthday to documentary filmmaker Ken Burns. His party will take
place over twelve nights and air on PBS.
Hulk Hogan and his wife, Linda, have finally reached a settlement in
their divorce case. It was a nasty divorce. She tried to take
everything but the shirt off his back... but luckily he tore it off
before she could.
Yesterday the Senate Judiciary Committee approved Sonia Sotomayor to
become the first Hispanic Supreme Court justice. But it's not over
yet, before the Senate can vote on her confirmation, she has to
survive Hell Week first.
White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said Tuesday that he thinks
President Obama’s meeting with James Crowley and Henry Louis Gates
will “be a poignant moment.” - that is until Joe Biden spills his beer
in the President's lap and everyone yells, "party foul!"
An MTA employee is under investigation for letting her 8-year-old son
drive an express subway train on Sunday. It's not the first time
something like this has happened in New York City 'cause I'm pretty
sure an 8-year-old has been making the announcements in the subway for
years.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
7/29/09 - Corniest joke on Fallon yet!
***Michael Vick was re-instated by the NFL yesterday. No team has offered
him a contract yet but I’m sure someone will throw him a bone.***
Michael Vick was conditionally re-instated by the NFL yesterday. The
condition: He can’t go anywhere near Cleveland’s Dog Pound.
Penn State was rated the number 1 party school of 2009 by Princeton Review.
University of Florida was #2. And in a surprise, #3 was Pat O’Brien’s house.
The New York Times today pointed out the numerous scenes of
16-year-old Harry and his friends drinking in "Harry Potter and the
Half-Blood Prince." But in their defense, President Obama did invite
them over for a beer.
The Senate Judiciary Committee on Tuesday voted to approve Sonia
Sotomayor as the first Hispanic Supreme Court justice. It’s a good
thing too because if they voted against her she would have “cut them.”
The Senate Judiciary Committee on Tuesday voted to approve Sonia
Sotomayor as the first Hispanic Supreme Court justice. Justice Ruth
Bader Ginsburg said it’s a big step toward Sotomayor being confirmed
next week and then it’s, "welcome to the club girlfriend!"
Michael Vick was "conditionally reinstated" by the NFL yesterday after
18 months in prison for engaging in illegal dogfighting. It means he's
free to sign with any NFL team but he's not allowed anywhere near the
Cleveland Dog Pound.
Billionaire Virgin chairman, Richard Branson says he hopes to have a
spaceship ready in time to take his 92-year-old father and 89-year-old
mother into space with him. It's all part of his mission to test how
gravity affects walking in on your parents having sex.
Yesterday Shaq tweeted that he was denied entry to the White House
after walking up to the front gate and asking if he could meet with
President Obama. Later he tried passing a note to a security guard to
give to the President by shooting it over the fence - but the note
clanked off the side of the security station.
Taser International unveiled a $1800 device that can shock three
people at the same time, without reloading - which is perfect for the
next time the Jonas Brothers get out of line.
The Dutch brewery Grolsch created its very own iPhone app to help
users figure out how drunk they are. It's way more effective than the
old way the Dutch used to check if a person was drunk: Making them
clog in a straight line.
New research has found that obese people spend on average $1400 more a
year on medical expenses. And that amount doubles if you count being
bulldozed out of you apartment as a medical expense.
Happy 19th Birthday to rapper Souja Boy. Now that he's 19 he keeps
getting calls from Army recruiters asking if he'd like to become a
real "Soulja".
him a contract yet but I’m sure someone will throw him a bone.***
Michael Vick was conditionally re-instated by the NFL yesterday. The
condition: He can’t go anywhere near Cleveland’s Dog Pound.
Penn State was rated the number 1 party school of 2009 by Princeton Review.
University of Florida was #2. And in a surprise, #3 was Pat O’Brien’s house.
The New York Times today pointed out the numerous scenes of
16-year-old Harry and his friends drinking in "Harry Potter and the
Half-Blood Prince." But in their defense, President Obama did invite
them over for a beer.
The Senate Judiciary Committee on Tuesday voted to approve Sonia
Sotomayor as the first Hispanic Supreme Court justice. It’s a good
thing too because if they voted against her she would have “cut them.”
The Senate Judiciary Committee on Tuesday voted to approve Sonia
Sotomayor as the first Hispanic Supreme Court justice. Justice Ruth
Bader Ginsburg said it’s a big step toward Sotomayor being confirmed
next week and then it’s, "welcome to the club girlfriend!"
Michael Vick was "conditionally reinstated" by the NFL yesterday after
18 months in prison for engaging in illegal dogfighting. It means he's
free to sign with any NFL team but he's not allowed anywhere near the
Cleveland Dog Pound.
Billionaire Virgin chairman, Richard Branson says he hopes to have a
spaceship ready in time to take his 92-year-old father and 89-year-old
mother into space with him. It's all part of his mission to test how
gravity affects walking in on your parents having sex.
Yesterday Shaq tweeted that he was denied entry to the White House
after walking up to the front gate and asking if he could meet with
President Obama. Later he tried passing a note to a security guard to
give to the President by shooting it over the fence - but the note
clanked off the side of the security station.
Taser International unveiled a $1800 device that can shock three
people at the same time, without reloading - which is perfect for the
next time the Jonas Brothers get out of line.
The Dutch brewery Grolsch created its very own iPhone app to help
users figure out how drunk they are. It's way more effective than the
old way the Dutch used to check if a person was drunk: Making them
clog in a straight line.
New research has found that obese people spend on average $1400 more a
year on medical expenses. And that amount doubles if you count being
bulldozed out of you apartment as a medical expense.
Happy 19th Birthday to rapper Souja Boy. Now that he's 19 he keeps
getting calls from Army recruiters asking if he'd like to become a
real "Soulja".
7/28/09
North Korea opened its first fast-food restaurant in Pyongyang, and
sells “minced beef and bread” for $1.70 - which explains the
restaurant's slogan: "I'm Lovin' It???"
President Obama is trying to lower the tension between Cambridge
Police Sergeant James Crowley and Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates
by inviting them to the White House for a beer this week. If the
meeting goes well, Obama says he'll try inviting Kim Jung Il and
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad over for karaoke night.
Obama will have a Budweiser and Sergeant Crowley will drink Blue Moon.
No word yet on Gates’ choice of beer yet but Sgt. Crowley suggested a
40 oz.
At Comic-Con - fans demanded that scenes from next spring’s “Iron Man
2” be shown twice. After the first screening, the fans started
chanting, "hell no, we won't go... 'til our parents come, and pick us
up!"
The situation got so out of hand that the Department of Homeland
Security had to issue a "Nerd Alert."
Sarah Palin officially stepped down Sunday as Governor of Alaska.
Asked what she'll miss most about being Governor of Alaska, she said,
"the quitting."
Sarah Palin attended three picnics in three days this weekend before
leaving office – one in her hometown of Wasilla on Friday, the second
in Anchorage on Saturday, and the third in Fairbanks on Sunday. It's
all part of her new job as host of the Food Network series, "Diners,
Drive-in's and Picnics."
Happy 66th Birthday to rock n' roll legend Mick Jagger of the Rolling
Stones. Nowadays when he sings "Satisfaction", he's usually talking
about having a solid bowel movement.
... Just like when bandmate Keith Richards turned 66, Jagger received
a birthday phonecall from President Carter.
Over the weekend, Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates said he was forced
to quit Facebook because too many people wanted to be his friend. Too
many friends, huh? You know who CAN'T relate to that, 12 year old Bill Gates!
sells “minced beef and bread” for $1.70 - which explains the
restaurant's slogan: "I'm Lovin' It???"
President Obama is trying to lower the tension between Cambridge
Police Sergeant James Crowley and Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates
by inviting them to the White House for a beer this week. If the
meeting goes well, Obama says he'll try inviting Kim Jung Il and
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad over for karaoke night.
Obama will have a Budweiser and Sergeant Crowley will drink Blue Moon.
No word yet on Gates’ choice of beer yet but Sgt. Crowley suggested a
40 oz.
At Comic-Con - fans demanded that scenes from next spring’s “Iron Man
2” be shown twice. After the first screening, the fans started
chanting, "hell no, we won't go... 'til our parents come, and pick us
up!"
The situation got so out of hand that the Department of Homeland
Security had to issue a "Nerd Alert."
Sarah Palin officially stepped down Sunday as Governor of Alaska.
Asked what she'll miss most about being Governor of Alaska, she said,
"the quitting."
Sarah Palin attended three picnics in three days this weekend before
leaving office – one in her hometown of Wasilla on Friday, the second
in Anchorage on Saturday, and the third in Fairbanks on Sunday. It's
all part of her new job as host of the Food Network series, "Diners,
Drive-in's and Picnics."
Happy 66th Birthday to rock n' roll legend Mick Jagger of the Rolling
Stones. Nowadays when he sings "Satisfaction", he's usually talking
about having a solid bowel movement.
... Just like when bandmate Keith Richards turned 66, Jagger received
a birthday phonecall from President Carter.
Over the weekend, Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates said he was forced
to quit Facebook because too many people wanted to be his friend. Too
many friends, huh? You know who CAN'T relate to that, 12 year old Bill Gates!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
7/22/09 - Latest joke of the show
***Beginning tomorrow, San Diego will host ComicCon, the world's largest
Comic Book convention. Or as hospitals in San Diego are calling it, "Asthma
Fest '09!"***
Gidget, the dog actor who portrayed the Taco Bell Chihuahua, died
yesterday at the age of 15. She'll be burried in a soft taco shell.
Taco Bell will pay tribute to her with a "funeral Bell Grande."
Gidget's owners plan to cremate her and spread her ashes over a plate
of nachos.
Michelle Obama unveiled a new haircut last night at the White House’s
“Country Music Night." Not to be outdone, President Obama debuted his
new pair of leather Mom-jeans.
"I wanna send happy birthday wishes to a certain gameshow host who
turns 69 years old today." Higgins: "Ooh ooh, who is Alex Trebek?"
Last night a tribute to country music was held at the White House
featuring performances by Allison Kraus and Brad Paisley. But all
anyone wants to talk about are the "frumpy" chaps Obama was wearing.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton hinted that Washington would accept
a nuclear armed Iran when she raised the idea of creating a US
"defence umbrella" to protect Gulf allies. Critics say the region
would need much more than just an umbrella ... more like an entire
"Defense Pants Suit"
Comic Book convention. Or as hospitals in San Diego are calling it, "Asthma
Fest '09!"***
Gidget, the dog actor who portrayed the Taco Bell Chihuahua, died
yesterday at the age of 15. She'll be burried in a soft taco shell.
Taco Bell will pay tribute to her with a "funeral Bell Grande."
Gidget's owners plan to cremate her and spread her ashes over a plate
of nachos.
Michelle Obama unveiled a new haircut last night at the White House’s
“Country Music Night." Not to be outdone, President Obama debuted his
new pair of leather Mom-jeans.
"I wanna send happy birthday wishes to a certain gameshow host who
turns 69 years old today." Higgins: "Ooh ooh, who is Alex Trebek?"
Last night a tribute to country music was held at the White House
featuring performances by Allison Kraus and Brad Paisley. But all
anyone wants to talk about are the "frumpy" chaps Obama was wearing.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton hinted that Washington would accept
a nuclear armed Iran when she raised the idea of creating a US
"defence umbrella" to protect Gulf allies. Critics say the region
would need much more than just an umbrella ... more like an entire
"Defense Pants Suit"
7/21/09
Happy Birthday to comedy legend Robin Williams. He was so excited to
turn 58 years old, all 7000 hairs on his arms stood up.
President Obama called on bloggers Monday to keep pressure on Congress
about passing the healthcare reform bill. Perez Hilton immediately
agreed to help since a new healthcare bill would cover him the next
time he gets punched by Will.I.Am's manager.
Former Miss California Carrie Prejean will publish a memoir called
“Still Standing" - which is not to be confused with Sarah Palin's
memoir, "No Longer Feel Like Standing."
Twitter has made $48 million over the last month as a result of all
the publicity it's received in the media. But that's nothing compared
to how much money Myspace makes every time one of its users appears on
"To Catch a Predator".
A bra once worn by Marilyn Monroe sold at auction in London for $5,200
- or 3,145 pounds - which coincidentally is how much one of Aretha
Franklin's bras can hold.
A man in Canada was arrested for driving a speeding car while watching
a porno movie on DVD. When the cop pulled him over he asked the man,
"Sir, do you know how fast you were going" and then said, "you know
what, don't answer that."
A man in Canada was arrested for driving a speeding car while watching
a porno movie on DVD. When the cop approached the car and knocked on
the window, the man said, "gimme a minute sir... gimme a minute!!!"
President Obama admitted in an interview on the TODAY show that the
jeans he wore at the All Star Game made him look - “a little frumpy."
But it's not his fault, before the game he asked Joe Biden, "Do these
jeans make me look frumpy?" and Biden said he looked great.
Top democrats in Congress warned President Obama today that he’s starting to
sound too much like George W. Bush. To which Obama responded, "I have
more important things to worry about like "Nu-cu-lar" war."
turn 58 years old, all 7000 hairs on his arms stood up.
President Obama called on bloggers Monday to keep pressure on Congress
about passing the healthcare reform bill. Perez Hilton immediately
agreed to help since a new healthcare bill would cover him the next
time he gets punched by Will.I.Am's manager.
Former Miss California Carrie Prejean will publish a memoir called
“Still Standing" - which is not to be confused with Sarah Palin's
memoir, "No Longer Feel Like Standing."
Twitter has made $48 million over the last month as a result of all
the publicity it's received in the media. But that's nothing compared
to how much money Myspace makes every time one of its users appears on
"To Catch a Predator".
A bra once worn by Marilyn Monroe sold at auction in London for $5,200
- or 3,145 pounds - which coincidentally is how much one of Aretha
Franklin's bras can hold.
A man in Canada was arrested for driving a speeding car while watching
a porno movie on DVD. When the cop pulled him over he asked the man,
"Sir, do you know how fast you were going" and then said, "you know
what, don't answer that."
A man in Canada was arrested for driving a speeding car while watching
a porno movie on DVD. When the cop approached the car and knocked on
the window, the man said, "gimme a minute sir... gimme a minute!!!"
President Obama admitted in an interview on the TODAY show that the
jeans he wore at the All Star Game made him look - “a little frumpy."
But it's not his fault, before the game he asked Joe Biden, "Do these
jeans make me look frumpy?" and Biden said he looked great.
Top democrats in Congress warned President Obama today that he’s starting to
sound too much like George W. Bush. To which Obama responded, "I have
more important things to worry about like "Nu-cu-lar" war."
7/20/09
In celebrity real estate news, Jon Gosselin has moved into an
apartment on New York City's Upper West Side. It's only a two-bedroom
apartment, but don't worry - there's more than enough room for all
8... hundred of his Ed Hardy T Shirts.
You hear about this, completion of the International Space Station has
been put in jeopardy because one of the station’s toilets is clogged.
Apparently someone on board took, "one giant crap for Mankind."
Sad news in Denver, an American Idol hopeful left his dog in a hot car
while he was auditioning for the show - and the poor dog passed away.
What a sad story... Witnesses say they did hear what sounded like a
crying dog but just thought it was coming from inside the audition
room.
Sad news in Denver, an American Idol hopeful left his dog in a hot car
while he was auditioning for the show - and the poor dog passed away.
Unfortunately, nobody thought anything was wrong when Randy Jackson
kept saying, "yo, that dog sounds hot!"
Happy Birthday to guitar legend Carlos Santana. A bunch of his
musician friends took him to dinner and when Santana tried to pay the
bill, Rob Thomas told him, he can "FORGET ABOUT IT." (Singing)
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is in India where she said the U.S.
plans to build two new nuclear power plants there. It's a boon for the
Indian economy because it will be designed, built, and run entirely by
Indian workers... but the IT department - all Americans.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is in India where she announced the
U.S. plans to build two new nuclear power plants there. President
Obama tried calling to congratulate her on the announcement but was
put on hold for two hours.
apartment on New York City's Upper West Side. It's only a two-bedroom
apartment, but don't worry - there's more than enough room for all
8... hundred of his Ed Hardy T Shirts.
You hear about this, completion of the International Space Station has
been put in jeopardy because one of the station’s toilets is clogged.
Apparently someone on board took, "one giant crap for Mankind."
Sad news in Denver, an American Idol hopeful left his dog in a hot car
while he was auditioning for the show - and the poor dog passed away.
What a sad story... Witnesses say they did hear what sounded like a
crying dog but just thought it was coming from inside the audition
room.
Sad news in Denver, an American Idol hopeful left his dog in a hot car
while he was auditioning for the show - and the poor dog passed away.
Unfortunately, nobody thought anything was wrong when Randy Jackson
kept saying, "yo, that dog sounds hot!"
Happy Birthday to guitar legend Carlos Santana. A bunch of his
musician friends took him to dinner and when Santana tried to pay the
bill, Rob Thomas told him, he can "FORGET ABOUT IT." (Singing)
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is in India where she said the U.S.
plans to build two new nuclear power plants there. It's a boon for the
Indian economy because it will be designed, built, and run entirely by
Indian workers... but the IT department - all Americans.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is in India where she announced the
U.S. plans to build two new nuclear power plants there. President
Obama tried calling to congratulate her on the announcement but was
put on hold for two hours.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
LATEST JOKE ON LATE NIGHT - 7/17/09
***Happy 57th Birthday to David Hasselhoff. His family surprised him with
dinner at his favorite restaurant: The Floor.***
Happy 57th Birthday to David Hasselhoff. He spent the day with his
family, who joined him on the floor for some birthday cake.
Did you hear this? NASA accidentally erased footage of the Apollo 11
moon landing but they're having it digitally restored by Hollywood
editors. NASA says the images of Neil Armstrong stepping onto the moon
have never looked clearer... especially the part where he transforms
into a Ferrari.
dinner at his favorite restaurant: The Floor.***
Happy 57th Birthday to David Hasselhoff. He spent the day with his
family, who joined him on the floor for some birthday cake.
Did you hear this? NASA accidentally erased footage of the Apollo 11
moon landing but they're having it digitally restored by Hollywood
editors. NASA says the images of Neil Armstrong stepping onto the moon
have never looked clearer... especially the part where he transforms
into a Ferrari.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
7/15/09
In science news, researchers in Britain claim to have created human sperm from embryonic stem cells for the first time ever. They were so excited by thier accomplishment, they all went home and created more sperm.
I'm sure you guys have all heard by now, looks like Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has broken up with Jessica Simpson after reportedly finding text messages in Simpson's cell phone from John Mayer. Now, Mayer is denying the whole thing but his face is telling a completely different story. (John Mayer guitar solo faces)
Tomorrow Nintendo is turning Times Square into a tropical recreation of the Wii Sports Resort's "Wuhu Island". It's gonna be awesome, there's gonna be a beach, a swimming pool, and a Tropical Lounge whereyou can get Wii Drunk.
... I'm hoping to make it over there... unless I get stuck in Wii Traffic.
... Something like this never would have been possible 20 years ago but thankfully Giuliani got rid of all the Wii Prostitutes.
Did you hear this, the state of New York plans to invest $1 million in new typewriters for use by the NYPD? It's not just typewriters either, the money will also cover replacing walkie-talkies with Dixie Cups and string.
I'm sure you guys have all heard by now, looks like Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has broken up with Jessica Simpson after reportedly finding text messages in Simpson's cell phone from John Mayer. Now, Mayer is denying the whole thing but his face is telling a completely different story. (John Mayer guitar solo faces)
Tomorrow Nintendo is turning Times Square into a tropical recreation of the Wii Sports Resort's "Wuhu Island". It's gonna be awesome, there's gonna be a beach, a swimming pool, and a Tropical Lounge whereyou can get Wii Drunk.
... I'm hoping to make it over there... unless I get stuck in Wii Traffic.
... Something like this never would have been possible 20 years ago but thankfully Giuliani got rid of all the Wii Prostitutes.
Did you hear this, the state of New York plans to invest $1 million in new typewriters for use by the NYPD? It's not just typewriters either, the money will also cover replacing walkie-talkies with Dixie Cups and string.
7/13-7/14
Tonight was the 80th annual Major League All-Star game at Busch Stadium in St. Louis and President Obama threw out the first pitch to Cardinals First Baseman Albert Pujols. Yeah after Pujols caught the ball he threw out Bernie Madoff trying to steal second base.
Lauren Conrad, star of the MTV’s The Hills, has topped the children’s NewYork Times Bestsellers list with her book, “LA Candy.” Not to be outdone, Spencer Pratt is getting rave reviews for his new line of designer douche bags.
A woman in a Tampa hotel bathroom was accidentally shot in the leg while sitting on the toilet when a gun discharged in the stall next to her. Don't worry folks, she's ok, but the whole incident scared the crap out of her.
Guess what everybody, today is National French Fries Day – which iswhy if you emailed Michael Moore today you received an “out-of-office”reply.
Fortune Magazine has ranked “Zips” – a virtual zipper – as the dumbest iPhone application. As for Fortune’s pick for the most painful app:“Caught in Your Zips.”
A hippo that once belonged to drug lord Pablo Escobar was shot and killed by police in Colombia. Apparently Columbians have a whole different set of rules when they play, “Hungry, Hungry, Hippo.”
The National Health Service of Britain is under fire for promoting anorgasm-a-day to schoolchildren. You know what they say, “an orgasm aday keeps the… parents locked out of the bathroom.”
Morgan Freeman has reportedly been romantically involved with his27-year-old step-granddaughter for the last ten years. That means when their relationship started she was only 17 years old. Uh-oh, sounds like someone could be goin’ back to Shawshank!
Ryan Seacrest is in talks to extend his job as host of “American Idol”for three more years – and to give him a significant pay raise… and we’ll find out just how much that raise is going to be… AFTER the break.
A 15-year-old girl in Staten Island fell into an open manhole as shewas texting while walking. Boy, that’s a text message no parent ever wants to receive, “FDMT” – Fell Down a Manhole Texting.
Lauren Conrad, star of the MTV’s The Hills, has topped the children’s NewYork Times Bestsellers list with her book, “LA Candy.” Not to be outdone, Spencer Pratt is getting rave reviews for his new line of designer douche bags.
A woman in a Tampa hotel bathroom was accidentally shot in the leg while sitting on the toilet when a gun discharged in the stall next to her. Don't worry folks, she's ok, but the whole incident scared the crap out of her.
Guess what everybody, today is National French Fries Day – which iswhy if you emailed Michael Moore today you received an “out-of-office”reply.
Fortune Magazine has ranked “Zips” – a virtual zipper – as the dumbest iPhone application. As for Fortune’s pick for the most painful app:“Caught in Your Zips.”
A hippo that once belonged to drug lord Pablo Escobar was shot and killed by police in Colombia. Apparently Columbians have a whole different set of rules when they play, “Hungry, Hungry, Hippo.”
The National Health Service of Britain is under fire for promoting anorgasm-a-day to schoolchildren. You know what they say, “an orgasm aday keeps the… parents locked out of the bathroom.”
Morgan Freeman has reportedly been romantically involved with his27-year-old step-granddaughter for the last ten years. That means when their relationship started she was only 17 years old. Uh-oh, sounds like someone could be goin’ back to Shawshank!
Ryan Seacrest is in talks to extend his job as host of “American Idol”for three more years – and to give him a significant pay raise… and we’ll find out just how much that raise is going to be… AFTER the break.
A 15-year-old girl in Staten Island fell into an open manhole as shewas texting while walking. Boy, that’s a text message no parent ever wants to receive, “FDMT” – Fell Down a Manhole Texting.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Week of 7/6/09
Michael Moore has announced the name of his latest documentary, it's called "Capitalism, A Love Story" - Which is not to be confused with his memoir, "Twinkies, A Love Story."
Investigators into the death of Michael Jackson are still in possession of the singer’s brain - Which is disappointing news for all the zombies from the "Thriller" video.
On Good Morning America Michael Jackson’s long-time dermatologist, Dr. Arnold Klein said that he is not the father of Jackson’s children. It’s unclear how credible Klein’s statement is however, since he’s the guy who for the past 25 years has been telling Jackson, “No, no, your skin looks good”…
Google announced today that its email application Gmail is finally out of the “Beta” stage. Users celebrated by Googling what the hell that means.
Joyce Dewitt who played Janet on the 70’s sitcom “Three’s Company” was busted for DUI this week. I’m just glad police stopped her before she could “come and CRASH through my door…” (Singing)
… But in her defense, the Regal Beagle does have an excellent Happy Hour.
Friday, July 3, 2009
6/26/09
Sad news, I'm sure you've all heard... the King of Pop Michael Jackson
passed away yesterday... He'll be immortalized by rhythmless white
guys on dance floors everywhere.
Critics of “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” insist that two
robots in the film portray stereotypically black characters. One has a
gold tooth and the other is named "Madea."
South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford met with his wife, Jenny, for the
first time on Thursday since admitting his affair with a woman in
Argentina. The meeting got off to a bad start when Sanford broke the
ice by telling his wife he missed her tan lines.
During Mark Sanford's press conference Wednesday where he admitted to
cheating on his wife, Fox News incorrectly identified the Republican
Governor as a Democrat. Meanwhile the Travel Channel identified
Sanford as their, "Man of the Year."
19-year-old “Harry Potter” star Daniel Radcliffe said he prefers
dating older women – because girls his own age are too much work.
Which explains the title of his next movie: "Harry Potter and the Low
Maintenance MILF".
A new study finds that texting and driving is worse than drinking and
driving. The study also found that "sexting" in the back seat is more
uncomfortable than having sex in the back seat.
Scientists believe that an extract from coffee can kill the bacteria
that causes bad breath. Unfortunately it can do nothing for "coffee
breath."
Did you hear this, Gloria Estefan will become part owner of the Miami
Dolphins? Her first act as co-owner: Changing the team's name to "the
Miami Sound Machine".
Happy birthday to "Lost" creator J.J. Abrams who turned 43 years old
today. When he blew out the candles on his cake... the smoke picked
him up and threw him across the room.
Ruth Madoff was seen riding the F train in New York yesterday. She
said she likes riding the subway because it makes her feel like she's
in prison with her husband.
passed away yesterday... He'll be immortalized by rhythmless white
guys on dance floors everywhere.
Critics of “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” insist that two
robots in the film portray stereotypically black characters. One has a
gold tooth and the other is named "Madea."
South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford met with his wife, Jenny, for the
first time on Thursday since admitting his affair with a woman in
Argentina. The meeting got off to a bad start when Sanford broke the
ice by telling his wife he missed her tan lines.
During Mark Sanford's press conference Wednesday where he admitted to
cheating on his wife, Fox News incorrectly identified the Republican
Governor as a Democrat. Meanwhile the Travel Channel identified
Sanford as their, "Man of the Year."
19-year-old “Harry Potter” star Daniel Radcliffe said he prefers
dating older women – because girls his own age are too much work.
Which explains the title of his next movie: "Harry Potter and the Low
Maintenance MILF".
A new study finds that texting and driving is worse than drinking and
driving. The study also found that "sexting" in the back seat is more
uncomfortable than having sex in the back seat.
Scientists believe that an extract from coffee can kill the bacteria
that causes bad breath. Unfortunately it can do nothing for "coffee
breath."
Did you hear this, Gloria Estefan will become part owner of the Miami
Dolphins? Her first act as co-owner: Changing the team's name to "the
Miami Sound Machine".
Happy birthday to "Lost" creator J.J. Abrams who turned 43 years old
today. When he blew out the candles on his cake... the smoke picked
him up and threw him across the room.
Ruth Madoff was seen riding the F train in New York yesterday. She
said she likes riding the subway because it makes her feel like she's
in prison with her husband.
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