Some new balloons in this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade include updates of some old favorites: There's Mickey Mouse dressed as a sailor, a more muscular-looking Spiderman, and Chaz Bono.
Last night the Obama's welcomed Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh to the White House for their first State Dinner. Singh said the evening was much different than the last State Dinner he attended during the Bush administration... mostly because the President didn't refer to him as, "Indiana Jones."
This is crazy. A 13-year-old boy went missing for 11 days, and was found living in the New York City subway system. His parents can't believe it, they said they searched for him everywhere they could think of like... up in his room, down in the basement, in a weather balloon all over CNN...
This is crazy. A 13-year-old boy went missing for 11 days, and was found living in the New York City subway system. The boy said the only thing he remembers was going down into the subway to pee...
Congratulations to the St. Louis Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols who won his third National League MVP award yesterday. That's as many as ARod has... but Pujols did it without being on steroids... or Kate Hudson.
A man in Taiwan was robbed of more than $2 million in cash after he just withdrew it from the bank. That's why whenever I use an ATM in Taiwan - I never, ever select "Fast Cash."
Just days after announcing that she's ending her talk show after 25 years, sources at Harpo say that Oprah will not do her Favorite Things episode this year – which has aired every Thanksgiving week for the past 7 years. Women everywhere are calling the news the second sign of the "Oprah-calypse."
Friday, November 27, 2009
11/24/09
This Thanksgiving over 46 million turkeys in America will be eaten which equates to about 690 million pounds of turkey meat... or as Kirstie Alley calls it: a "Jenny Craig cheat day."
Did you guys know the rumor that Turkey increases tryptophans and makes you tired is a myth? Drowsiness is actually caused by the carbo-heavy sides like potatoes and stuffing... or if you're in the Senate, reading the entire Healthcare Bill.
Here's another Thanksgiving turkey fact for you guys... did you know that white meat has fewer calories and less fat - than dark meat? Yeah, and according to Lou Dobbs the white meat also works harder.
Some new balloons this year in the Macy's Parade: There's an updated Spiderman, Ronald McDonald, the Pillsbury Dough Boy... and Macy's planned to fly a bunch of balloons shaped like the "New Moon Wolfpack" but they worried Sarah Palin would shoot them down.
On Thanksgiving Macy’s is the world’s second-largest consumer of helium. The number one largest helium consumer: Balloon Boy's parents.
This Thanksgiving it's expected that 2.9 million people will travel by car, trains, and buses. It's also predicted that all of those people will arrive before any Northwest passengers do.
President Obama had his first Thanksgiving at the White House yesterday - a Pot Luck dinner hosted by Michelle. Hillary Clinton brought the cranberry sauce, Joe Biden brought the sweet potato casserole, and Tim Geithner brought some M&M's he found in the seat cushions of one of his "Clunkers."
Did you guys see J.Lo's performance at the AMA's this weekend? During her dance routine, she jumped off a platform, slipped and landed on her butt. Don't worry, she's ok... but the stage suffered a concussion.
Former CNN anchor Lou Dobbs said in a new interview that he is considering running for President in 2012. If he runs political strategists believe he could be the first candidate to receive 100% of the "Unpopular" vote.
Dobbs said on day one as President, the first thing he'd do is make the White House... even whiter.
Oprah’s best friend, Gayle King, said in an interview with NBC this morning that Oprah doesn’t watch TV. Apparently that's Stedmon's job.
There are upwards of 100 balloon handlers per giant balloon in the Macys Parade. Yeah 30 to fly each balloon and the other 70 to call cnn and report a hoax.
President Obama said today that he has made a decision on how many more combat troops soldiers he will send to Afghanistan and will make the announcement... after Thanksgiving. Apparently he's waiting until the precise moment when the Republicans' food coma sets in.
Did you guys know the rumor that Turkey increases tryptophans and makes you tired is a myth? Drowsiness is actually caused by the carbo-heavy sides like potatoes and stuffing... or if you're in the Senate, reading the entire Healthcare Bill.
Here's another Thanksgiving turkey fact for you guys... did you know that white meat has fewer calories and less fat - than dark meat? Yeah, and according to Lou Dobbs the white meat also works harder.
Some new balloons this year in the Macy's Parade: There's an updated Spiderman, Ronald McDonald, the Pillsbury Dough Boy... and Macy's planned to fly a bunch of balloons shaped like the "New Moon Wolfpack" but they worried Sarah Palin would shoot them down.
On Thanksgiving Macy’s is the world’s second-largest consumer of helium. The number one largest helium consumer: Balloon Boy's parents.
This Thanksgiving it's expected that 2.9 million people will travel by car, trains, and buses. It's also predicted that all of those people will arrive before any Northwest passengers do.
President Obama had his first Thanksgiving at the White House yesterday - a Pot Luck dinner hosted by Michelle. Hillary Clinton brought the cranberry sauce, Joe Biden brought the sweet potato casserole, and Tim Geithner brought some M&M's he found in the seat cushions of one of his "Clunkers."
Did you guys see J.Lo's performance at the AMA's this weekend? During her dance routine, she jumped off a platform, slipped and landed on her butt. Don't worry, she's ok... but the stage suffered a concussion.
Former CNN anchor Lou Dobbs said in a new interview that he is considering running for President in 2012. If he runs political strategists believe he could be the first candidate to receive 100% of the "Unpopular" vote.
Dobbs said on day one as President, the first thing he'd do is make the White House... even whiter.
Oprah’s best friend, Gayle King, said in an interview with NBC this morning that Oprah doesn’t watch TV. Apparently that's Stedmon's job.
There are upwards of 100 balloon handlers per giant balloon in the Macys Parade. Yeah 30 to fly each balloon and the other 70 to call cnn and report a hoax.
President Obama said today that he has made a decision on how many more combat troops soldiers he will send to Afghanistan and will make the announcement... after Thanksgiving. Apparently he's waiting until the precise moment when the Republicans' food coma sets in.
11/23/09
What an opening weekend for "New Moon"! It came in Number 1 at the weekend box office with $140 million and pulled in almost $260 million worldwide. The movie is such a financial success the Democrats are thinking about changing their name to "Team Edward."
This is crazy. Scientists at the University of Pennsylvania are trying to develop LED tattoos that can turn your skin into a screen. Can you imagine that, now you could watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey... ON the Real Housewives of New Jersey?!
Michael Jackson’s famous white moonwalk glove sold for $350,000 in an auction on Saturday to a man in Hong Kong. Ironically the winning bidder's name was, "Billy Jin."
A couple in England named their new daughter Kia – after she was delivered in the back seat of their Kia. And for her middle name, the couple chose "Steve" - after the mechanic who towed them to the hospital.
Two people sustained minor injuries when several bulls in Spain escaped from the set of a movie starring Tom Cruise. The bulls almost mauled Cruise but luckily he was able to jump on a couch.
Lincoln University in Philadelphia is facing criticism for requiring its overweight students to take a fitness class in order to receive their degrees. The students are planning to protest... though probably not with a hunger strike.
This is crazy. Scientists at the University of Pennsylvania are trying to develop LED tattoos that can turn your skin into a screen. Can you imagine that, now you could watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey... ON the Real Housewives of New Jersey?!
Michael Jackson’s famous white moonwalk glove sold for $350,000 in an auction on Saturday to a man in Hong Kong. Ironically the winning bidder's name was, "Billy Jin."
A couple in England named their new daughter Kia – after she was delivered in the back seat of their Kia. And for her middle name, the couple chose "Steve" - after the mechanic who towed them to the hospital.
Two people sustained minor injuries when several bulls in Spain escaped from the set of a movie starring Tom Cruise. The bulls almost mauled Cruise but luckily he was able to jump on a couch.
Lincoln University in Philadelphia is facing criticism for requiring its overweight students to take a fitness class in order to receive their degrees. The students are planning to protest... though probably not with a hunger strike.
Monday, November 23, 2009
11/20/09
“New Moon” has officially been in theaters for 24 hours now! Just a huge first day for the film: Not only did it beat Batman and Harry Potter’s midnight release box office records with $24 million -- but "Team Edward" beat the Knicks 116-82.
Oprah said goodbye on her show today, announcing that she’s walking away after 25 years on the air. It was an emotional moment… she broke down in tears, then the audience broke down in tears… then she told everyone, “you get a tissue, and you get a tissue, everybody get’s a tissue!”
Her last episode will air on September 9, 2011... Or as the Mayan Calender called it, "The Oprah-calypse".
But she did give her audience something to look forward to. She said, “In season 25, we will knock your socks off.” You know what that means, guys… in season 25 Oprah’s giving away new socks!
In Swine Flu news: The "Organization of Seasonal Santas" - a labor union for mall Santa Clauses - is recommending the Santas not wear the traditional white cotton gloves anymore because cotton tends to absorb germs. You know what else absorbs germs? Long, unkempt bears!
The Union wants the elves to help screen kids "out of the line" who seem sick. Meanwhile mall officials would like the kids to screen out any elves who seem drunk.
Oprah said goodbye on her show today, announcing that she’s walking away after 25 years on the air. It was an emotional moment… she broke down in tears, then the audience broke down in tears… then she told everyone, “you get a tissue, and you get a tissue, everybody get’s a tissue!”
Her last episode will air on September 9, 2011... Or as the Mayan Calender called it, "The Oprah-calypse".
But she did give her audience something to look forward to. She said, “In season 25, we will knock your socks off.” You know what that means, guys… in season 25 Oprah’s giving away new socks!
In Swine Flu news: The "Organization of Seasonal Santas" - a labor union for mall Santa Clauses - is recommending the Santas not wear the traditional white cotton gloves anymore because cotton tends to absorb germs. You know what else absorbs germs? Long, unkempt bears!
The Union wants the elves to help screen kids "out of the line" who seem sick. Meanwhile mall officials would like the kids to screen out any elves who seem drunk.
11/17/08
President Obama reportedly had 71 cars in his motorcade as he traveled from the Beijing airport to the city. One was his limo, the other 70 were Clunkers.
Sarah Palin’s memoir “Going Rogue” came out today! You can find it on bookshelves next to Levi Johnston's new memoir, "Going Commando."
Thousands of fans camped out to see the stars of “Twilight” walk the red carpet for the premiere of the sequel, “New Moon,” last night. It got so crazy the department of homeland security had to issue a "Nerd Alert."
Doctors in Britain created a new drug described as the “female Viagra” that can boost sexual desire in women. It's called, "Vag-agra" Just like Viagra, it's a little blue pill... but it tastes like chocolate and you take it with a glass of Zinfnadel.
Just like Viagra, it's a little blue pill... but you have to crush it and slip in her drink when she's not looking.
Chaz Bono was on ABC's "Good Morning America" this morning and said: "Gender is between your ears, not between your legs". The segment was brought to you by "Ew Tips"
Online ticket seller Movietickets and Fandango announced today that "New Moon" has the record for most advance ticket sales in Hollywood history. And it's such a hot ticket if you call Moviefone, you'll hear this message, "Thank you for calling Moviefone! For New Moon tickets Press 1!, 2!, 3!, 4!, 5!..."
Today is the 146th anniversary of the The Gettysburg Address by Abraham Lincoln. It's one of the most famous speeches in history... right up there with King's, "I Have a Dream" speech and Sarah Palin's "I Quit" speech.
It's one of the most famous speeches in history... right up there with, Sarah Palin's "I Can See Russia from My Address."
Sarah Palin’s memoir “Going Rogue” came out today! You can find it on bookshelves next to Levi Johnston's new memoir, "Going Commando."
Thousands of fans camped out to see the stars of “Twilight” walk the red carpet for the premiere of the sequel, “New Moon,” last night. It got so crazy the department of homeland security had to issue a "Nerd Alert."
Doctors in Britain created a new drug described as the “female Viagra” that can boost sexual desire in women. It's called, "Vag-agra" Just like Viagra, it's a little blue pill... but it tastes like chocolate and you take it with a glass of Zinfnadel.
Just like Viagra, it's a little blue pill... but you have to crush it and slip in her drink when she's not looking.
Chaz Bono was on ABC's "Good Morning America" this morning and said: "Gender is between your ears, not between your legs". The segment was brought to you by "Ew Tips"
Online ticket seller Movietickets and Fandango announced today that "New Moon" has the record for most advance ticket sales in Hollywood history. And it's such a hot ticket if you call Moviefone, you'll hear this message, "Thank you for calling Moviefone! For New Moon tickets Press 1!, 2!, 3!, 4!, 5!..."
Today is the 146th anniversary of the The Gettysburg Address by Abraham Lincoln. It's one of the most famous speeches in history... right up there with King's, "I Have a Dream" speech and Sarah Palin's "I Quit" speech.
It's one of the most famous speeches in history... right up there with, Sarah Palin's "I Can See Russia from My Address."
11/16/09
During his first official visit to China, President Obama will discuss trade policy, Iran’s nuclear program and human rights with Chinese officials. It's being billed as the first ever, "Chinese Dim-Sum-mit."
President Obama was in Shanghai yesterday, and Beijing today - on his first official visit to China. Meanwhile Joe Biden's doing his part for Chinese Diplomacy too: Yesterday he hit Panda Express - and today he hit PF Chang's.
A cooking student in Colombia created a new “love dessert” made with passion fruit and Viagra. It's the only dessert where you get a "Bon(e) Appetit" after the meal.
In an effort to combat the swine flu, Disney World has installed more than 60 bulk hand sanitizer dispensers. The park also banned Donald Duck from saying any words that start with an, "s."
In an interview with Barbara Walters tomorrow, Sarah Palin says she had no idea her daughter Bristol was sexually active. Apparently she was so unprepared for the conversation - Palin compared it to talking politics with Katie Couric.
President Obama was in Shanghai yesterday, and Beijing today - on his first official visit to China. Meanwhile Joe Biden's doing his part for Chinese Diplomacy too: Yesterday he hit Panda Express - and today he hit PF Chang's.
A cooking student in Colombia created a new “love dessert” made with passion fruit and Viagra. It's the only dessert where you get a "Bon(e) Appetit" after the meal.
In an effort to combat the swine flu, Disney World has installed more than 60 bulk hand sanitizer dispensers. The park also banned Donald Duck from saying any words that start with an, "s."
In an interview with Barbara Walters tomorrow, Sarah Palin says she had no idea her daughter Bristol was sexually active. Apparently she was so unprepared for the conversation - Palin compared it to talking politics with Katie Couric.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
11/13/09
“2012” came out today! It's a movie about the end of the world as predicted by the Mayan calendar. Funny, my calendar only predicts 12 straight months of bikini car washes in 2012.
“2012” came out today! The title refers to the year the Mayans predicted the world would end... or as Democrats call it, the year Sarah Palin takes over.
During an interview with “Oprah” – set to air on Monday – Sarah Palin says that Levi Johnston is “part of the family." And according to Playgirl, it's a pretty average-sized part.
A 10-year-old boy in Arkansas refuses to say the pledge of allegiance in school because the U.S. discriminates against gay people. While the rest of his classmates pledge, he quietly recites the theme song to "GLEE."
Scientists in Japan are one step closer to producing a “three parent baby” after they successfully fertilized an egg with two biological mothers. It's the biggest scientific breakthrough in parenting since, "3 Men and a Baby."
This is crazy. Police in Staten Island are searching for two men dressed as Super Mario and Luigi who robbed a cab driver at a gas station. Apparently the floating bricks they usually headbutt for cash were all out of gold coins.
Big news. Costco opened its first store in Manhattan this week! It's great, I bought a can of tuna that's bigger than my apartment!
“2012” came out today! The title refers to the year the Mayans predicted the world would end... or as Democrats call it, the year Sarah Palin takes over.
During an interview with “Oprah” – set to air on Monday – Sarah Palin says that Levi Johnston is “part of the family." And according to Playgirl, it's a pretty average-sized part.
A 10-year-old boy in Arkansas refuses to say the pledge of allegiance in school because the U.S. discriminates against gay people. While the rest of his classmates pledge, he quietly recites the theme song to "GLEE."
Scientists in Japan are one step closer to producing a “three parent baby” after they successfully fertilized an egg with two biological mothers. It's the biggest scientific breakthrough in parenting since, "3 Men and a Baby."
This is crazy. Police in Staten Island are searching for two men dressed as Super Mario and Luigi who robbed a cab driver at a gas station. Apparently the floating bricks they usually headbutt for cash were all out of gold coins.
Big news. Costco opened its first store in Manhattan this week! It's great, I bought a can of tuna that's bigger than my apartment!
Friday, November 13, 2009
11/12/09 - Possible Joke on Fallon
***Lou Dobbs announced last night that he's leaving CNN to pursue, "new opportunities." I think we can rule out Telemundo.***
Lou Dobbs announced last night that he's leaving CNN, effective immediately. Dobbs said after 30 years on TV he was beginning to hit a wall - like the one he built around his studio to keep Mexicans out.
Lou Dobbs announced his resignation from CNN last night after almost 30 years with the network. He said he'll miss the faces in the news room the most... Except the foreign correspondents.
...Dobbs said what he'll miss most everyday are the faces in the newsroom... except for Pablo the lighting guy.
64-year-old Lou Dobbs was the last "original anchor" at CNN from its beginning – he started as the network’s chief economic correspondent… and he ended as the guy in office no one wants to get stuck talking to at the Christmas party.
First Lady Michelle Obama will host a health care event tomorrow at the White House tomorrow focused on older women. It's called the "Medicare In Life Forum" - Or M.I.L.F.
Steven Tyler made a surprise appearance at Joe Perry’s concert in New York this week and announced that he is not leaving Aerosmith. Ok, first he's leaving the band, then he's not leaving the band... you know who he's starting to look like? "Dun-uh, Dun-uh... Dude looks like a Brett Favre... Dun-uh, Dun-uh... Dude looks like Brett Favre!" (Singing)
The asking price for Bernie Madoff’s penthouse on the Upper East Side has dropped by a million dollars. Meanwhile in prison, the price of his lower back side went up by a pack of cigarettes.
A prisoner in Georgia was recaptured by police after he escaped using a flip-flip to unlock his cell door. And you wanna know the craziest part of the story? I had no idea Jimmy Buffet was even in prison.
That Connecticut woman mauled by a chimpanzee back in February revealed her face on “Oprah” yesterday for the first time. It was not a pretty sight but everyone at the show was very supportive... except at one point when the woman asked Oprah if she could be on the cover of "O" magazine, and Oprah was like, "yeeeah, suuuuure... just email me."
The Rockefeller Center Christmas tree arrived today! It’s a 76-foot Norway spruce and was donated by a fifth-grade teacher from Connecticut. She said she wanted to get rid of it because she was tired of all the vampires in her class hanging out in it.
The teacher described Rockefeller Center as a "magical place" where "it doesn't matter what kind of problems you're having." NBC was like, "have u seen our ratings, lady? Yeah real magical!"
Lou Dobbs announced last night that he's leaving CNN, effective immediately. Dobbs said after 30 years on TV he was beginning to hit a wall - like the one he built around his studio to keep Mexicans out.
Lou Dobbs announced his resignation from CNN last night after almost 30 years with the network. He said he'll miss the faces in the news room the most... Except the foreign correspondents.
...Dobbs said what he'll miss most everyday are the faces in the newsroom... except for Pablo the lighting guy.
64-year-old Lou Dobbs was the last "original anchor" at CNN from its beginning – he started as the network’s chief economic correspondent… and he ended as the guy in office no one wants to get stuck talking to at the Christmas party.
First Lady Michelle Obama will host a health care event tomorrow at the White House tomorrow focused on older women. It's called the "Medicare In Life Forum" - Or M.I.L.F.
Steven Tyler made a surprise appearance at Joe Perry’s concert in New York this week and announced that he is not leaving Aerosmith. Ok, first he's leaving the band, then he's not leaving the band... you know who he's starting to look like? "Dun-uh, Dun-uh... Dude looks like a Brett Favre... Dun-uh, Dun-uh... Dude looks like Brett Favre!" (Singing)
The asking price for Bernie Madoff’s penthouse on the Upper East Side has dropped by a million dollars. Meanwhile in prison, the price of his lower back side went up by a pack of cigarettes.
A prisoner in Georgia was recaptured by police after he escaped using a flip-flip to unlock his cell door. And you wanna know the craziest part of the story? I had no idea Jimmy Buffet was even in prison.
That Connecticut woman mauled by a chimpanzee back in February revealed her face on “Oprah” yesterday for the first time. It was not a pretty sight but everyone at the show was very supportive... except at one point when the woman asked Oprah if she could be on the cover of "O" magazine, and Oprah was like, "yeeeah, suuuuure... just email me."
The Rockefeller Center Christmas tree arrived today! It’s a 76-foot Norway spruce and was donated by a fifth-grade teacher from Connecticut. She said she wanted to get rid of it because she was tired of all the vampires in her class hanging out in it.
The teacher described Rockefeller Center as a "magical place" where "it doesn't matter what kind of problems you're having." NBC was like, "have u seen our ratings, lady? Yeah real magical!"
Thursday, November 12, 2009
11/11/09
There’s a new tribute song to astronomer Carl Sagan featuring lyrics spoken by physicist Stephen Hawking. The song is good... but Hawking's auto-tune is so played out.
Starting this week, Google is offering free WiFi at 47 airports in the U.S. for the rest of this year. The airline industry hopes the offer will encourage Northwest Pilots to check their email BEFORE they have to land the plane.
Google is now offering free Wireless Internet service at 47 airports across the U.S. for the rest of the year. It's great for Northwest passengers... next time they see the plane they're supposed to be on whiz right past the airport, they can email the pilots directly.
Huge vampire news: “Twilight” and “True Blood” were the top nominees announced yesterday for the People’s Choice Awards – “Twilight” got 6 and “True Blood” got 3. When Count Chocula heard this he was like, "Hellllo?"
In a new interview “Twilight” star Robert Pattinson said that his “personal hygiene is disgusting” and he rarely changes his clothes. Ok, you know what dude, you can either be the sexiest vampire or the sexiest homeless dude, but you can't be both!
A drunk United Airlines pilot was arrested on Monday as he prepared to fly 124 passengers from London to Chicago. Authorites said his breath smelled like the inside of a miniature bottle of vodka.
Disgraced ex New York Governor Eliot Spitzer - who was forced to resign because he used prostitutes - will deliver a lecture tomorrow at the Center for Ethics at Harvard University. That's like having Michael Vick judge the Westminster Dog Show.
A unopened bottle of Lowenbrau beer that survived the explosion and crash of the Hindenburg will be auctioned off this weekend. It's all part of the Antiques Roadshow, "World's Most Skunky Beer" auction series.
Starting this week, Google is offering free WiFi at 47 airports in the U.S. for the rest of this year. The airline industry hopes the offer will encourage Northwest Pilots to check their email BEFORE they have to land the plane.
Google is now offering free Wireless Internet service at 47 airports across the U.S. for the rest of the year. It's great for Northwest passengers... next time they see the plane they're supposed to be on whiz right past the airport, they can email the pilots directly.
Huge vampire news: “Twilight” and “True Blood” were the top nominees announced yesterday for the People’s Choice Awards – “Twilight” got 6 and “True Blood” got 3. When Count Chocula heard this he was like, "Hellllo?"
In a new interview “Twilight” star Robert Pattinson said that his “personal hygiene is disgusting” and he rarely changes his clothes. Ok, you know what dude, you can either be the sexiest vampire or the sexiest homeless dude, but you can't be both!
A drunk United Airlines pilot was arrested on Monday as he prepared to fly 124 passengers from London to Chicago. Authorites said his breath smelled like the inside of a miniature bottle of vodka.
Disgraced ex New York Governor Eliot Spitzer - who was forced to resign because he used prostitutes - will deliver a lecture tomorrow at the Center for Ethics at Harvard University. That's like having Michael Vick judge the Westminster Dog Show.
A unopened bottle of Lowenbrau beer that survived the explosion and crash of the Hindenburg will be auctioned off this weekend. It's all part of the Antiques Roadshow, "World's Most Skunky Beer" auction series.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
11/10/09
It's being reported that President Obama is expected to send about 40,000 more troops into combat as part of his new strategy in Afghanistan. And if that doesn't work, he'll send in Mariano Rivera.
Happy 40th Anniversary to Sesame Street! On this day 40 years ago, the first of over 4000 episodes debuted. Not much has changed in 40 years... Big Bird and Oscar the grouch are still played by the same guy, Cookie Monster still loves cookies, and Burt and Ernie are still... you know, "roommates."
Yesterday at the Berlin Wall ceremonies, Hillary Clinton and the German Chancellor were wearing almost identical outfits - Both wore blue jackets, black pants, black shoes – and even wore their hair the same way. When Bill saw this he said, "put the wall back up."
Chrysler is no longer engineering electric cars – even though they were given billions of dollars in federal bailout money to engineer electric cars. Chrysler execs said they'd rather stick with what works: More LeBarons.
Tiffani Thiessen – who played Kelly Kapowski on “Saved By the Bell” – is expecting her first child in May. Then later in the month, Zack and Slater will appear on Maury Povich to determine who the father is.
A junior hockey team in Idaho was banished from a skating rink after team members were caught playing “strip hockey.” The players said they were just trying to find out who on the team has the biggest "Zamboni."
Bill Clinton spoke with Democrats in the Senate today, trying to win support for health care reform. In addition to addressing the entire Democratic caucus, Clinton also set up private meetings with all 13 female Democratic Senators.
What is going on with Women's soccer? First during the New Mexico - BYU playoff game last week,New Mexico's Elizabeth Lambert pulled a member of BYU's team down to the ground by her pony tail -then this weekend a fight broke out at a Rhode Island Girls Soccer game that was so heated it triggered another fight in the stands. Something's gotta be done about all this violence - my suggestion: all the girls kiss and make up.
“Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare 2” came out today – and is expected to make $500 million in its first week - or roughly how much one day of actual warfare costs.
Modern Warfare 2 is rated "M" - for Mature due to Blood, Drug References, Intense Violence, and Language. It's not be confused with the film rating "Mature" - given to movies with excessive amounts of naked old people.
The woman who wrote all the “Twilight” books, Stephanie Meyer, will do a rare interview on Oprah this Friday. Instead of Oprah's couch, the interview will take place in a tree.
Congratulations to 21-year-old Joe Cada who became the youngest player to win the World Series of Poker - taking home $8.55 million. He loves to gamble so much he already spent all of his winnings on Black Jack Tacos.
Happy 40th Anniversary to Sesame Street! On this day 40 years ago, the first of over 4000 episodes debuted. Not much has changed in 40 years... Big Bird and Oscar the grouch are still played by the same guy, Cookie Monster still loves cookies, and Burt and Ernie are still... you know, "roommates."
Yesterday at the Berlin Wall ceremonies, Hillary Clinton and the German Chancellor were wearing almost identical outfits - Both wore blue jackets, black pants, black shoes – and even wore their hair the same way. When Bill saw this he said, "put the wall back up."
Chrysler is no longer engineering electric cars – even though they were given billions of dollars in federal bailout money to engineer electric cars. Chrysler execs said they'd rather stick with what works: More LeBarons.
Tiffani Thiessen – who played Kelly Kapowski on “Saved By the Bell” – is expecting her first child in May. Then later in the month, Zack and Slater will appear on Maury Povich to determine who the father is.
A junior hockey team in Idaho was banished from a skating rink after team members were caught playing “strip hockey.” The players said they were just trying to find out who on the team has the biggest "Zamboni."
Bill Clinton spoke with Democrats in the Senate today, trying to win support for health care reform. In addition to addressing the entire Democratic caucus, Clinton also set up private meetings with all 13 female Democratic Senators.
What is going on with Women's soccer? First during the New Mexico - BYU playoff game last week,New Mexico's Elizabeth Lambert pulled a member of BYU's team down to the ground by her pony tail -then this weekend a fight broke out at a Rhode Island Girls Soccer game that was so heated it triggered another fight in the stands. Something's gotta be done about all this violence - my suggestion: all the girls kiss and make up.
“Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare 2” came out today – and is expected to make $500 million in its first week - or roughly how much one day of actual warfare costs.
Modern Warfare 2 is rated "M" - for Mature due to Blood, Drug References, Intense Violence, and Language. It's not be confused with the film rating "Mature" - given to movies with excessive amounts of naked old people.
The woman who wrote all the “Twilight” books, Stephanie Meyer, will do a rare interview on Oprah this Friday. Instead of Oprah's couch, the interview will take place in a tree.
Congratulations to 21-year-old Joe Cada who became the youngest player to win the World Series of Poker - taking home $8.55 million. He loves to gamble so much he already spent all of his winnings on Black Jack Tacos.
Monday, November 9, 2009
11/9/09
In a victory for President Obama, the House passed a health care bill on Saturday night in a 220-215 vote. When the news reached the White House, there were hugs and high-fives all around... and President Obama shared one of those awkward hand shake - fist pounds with Joe Biden.
The health care bill passed on Saturday will provide insurance for 96% of Americans. That leaves just 4% without coverage - which ironically is the same amount of Americans who've received the Swine Flu vaccine so far.
This weekend in Vegas, the World Series of Poker was narrowed down to its final two competitors after four months of play and over 6000 players. Meanwhile in other gambling news: This weekend thousands of Taco Bell customers tried the Black Jack Taco.
Did you guys hear this? Over the weekend Steven Tyler reportedly quit, "Aerosmith." He said he wants to work on some solo material... but others think he's going, "crazy, crazy, baby he's goin' crazy!" (singing)
After 40 years, Steven Tyler is leaving Areosmith. He said he wants to spend more quality time with his elevator.
The other members of the band were like, "he'll be back" and then Tyler was like, "Dream on! Dream on! - DREAM ON! DREAM ON!"
Lindsay Lohan’s father, Michael, said in an interview with the New York Post that “God is taking her entire career away from her." To clarify he was talking about Lindsay's drug dealer, Jesus. (pronounced: "Hay-zus")
A 68-year-old woman in South Korea finally passed her driving test on her 950th try last week. See that kids, if at first you don't succeed, try, try, try... to remember to turn off your blinker.
The NY Giants have now lost four straight games - after winning their first five games of the season. It's gotten so bad Eli Manning just signed an endorsement deal with the Mets.
A guy in Oregon was arrested after he called 911 to report that his marijuana was stolen. Here's how the 911 call went: "911, what's your emergency?" - "Please help me, someone stole all my weed!" - "Ok, sir calm down, where's the last place you saw the marijuana?" - "In my bong... oh my god you guys are good!" -- "Please hold for the police."
Doctors in Britain are now using Botox injections to tighten sagging breasts. It’s great news for ladies who want their breasts to look like Gary Busey.
The health care bill passed on Saturday will provide insurance for 96% of Americans. That leaves just 4% without coverage - which ironically is the same amount of Americans who've received the Swine Flu vaccine so far.
This weekend in Vegas, the World Series of Poker was narrowed down to its final two competitors after four months of play and over 6000 players. Meanwhile in other gambling news: This weekend thousands of Taco Bell customers tried the Black Jack Taco.
Did you guys hear this? Over the weekend Steven Tyler reportedly quit, "Aerosmith." He said he wants to work on some solo material... but others think he's going, "crazy, crazy, baby he's goin' crazy!" (singing)
After 40 years, Steven Tyler is leaving Areosmith. He said he wants to spend more quality time with his elevator.
The other members of the band were like, "he'll be back" and then Tyler was like, "Dream on! Dream on! - DREAM ON! DREAM ON!"
Lindsay Lohan’s father, Michael, said in an interview with the New York Post that “God is taking her entire career away from her." To clarify he was talking about Lindsay's drug dealer, Jesus. (pronounced: "Hay-zus")
A 68-year-old woman in South Korea finally passed her driving test on her 950th try last week. See that kids, if at first you don't succeed, try, try, try... to remember to turn off your blinker.
The NY Giants have now lost four straight games - after winning their first five games of the season. It's gotten so bad Eli Manning just signed an endorsement deal with the Mets.
A guy in Oregon was arrested after he called 911 to report that his marijuana was stolen. Here's how the 911 call went: "911, what's your emergency?" - "Please help me, someone stole all my weed!" - "Ok, sir calm down, where's the last place you saw the marijuana?" - "In my bong... oh my god you guys are good!" -- "Please hold for the police."
Doctors in Britain are now using Botox injections to tighten sagging breasts. It’s great news for ladies who want their breasts to look like Gary Busey.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
11/6/09
Today was the Yankees championship ticker tape parade right here in New York City. In order to attend the festivities, thousands of New Yorkers took the day off... which is really more of a way to honor the Mets.
After the Yankees won the World Series Wednesday night, manager Joe Girardi helped a woman on his way home who had just gotten in a car crash. Girardi removed the woman from the car... and replaced her with Mariano Rivera.
... When Girardi removed the woman from her car, she kicked the dirt, handed him her keys, and sulked all the way back to the ambulance.
The Food Network will tape an episode of “Iron Chef America” at the White House, featuring Emeril Lagasse. Secret Service has already been warned not to tackle him every time he yells, "Bam!"
A man in Washington claims that United Airlines would not let him sit in first-class because he was wearing a tracksuit on the plane. But once officials realized it was Tony Soprano they let him sit in the cockpit with the pilot.
A woman in Minnesota will broadcast the birth of her first child on the Internet. You can watch the birth at "ICanSeeTheFacebook.com"
In an awkward moment, during the ceremony- Yankee fans started chanting "28! 28!" - and then hundreds of chinese food delivery guys showed up like, "Number 28 - Moo Shoo Chicken! - who ordered 28?"
Many are wondering who cleans up the all the left over ticker tape on the ground after the parade... Well, I did some research and found the answer: The Mets.
A new report found that there are 237 millionaires in Congress. Which automatically makes Congress the favorites to challenge the Yankees next year.
After the Yankees won the World Series Wednesday night, manager Joe Girardi helped a woman on his way home who had just gotten in a car crash. Girardi removed the woman from the car... and replaced her with Mariano Rivera.
... When Girardi removed the woman from her car, she kicked the dirt, handed him her keys, and sulked all the way back to the ambulance.
The Food Network will tape an episode of “Iron Chef America” at the White House, featuring Emeril Lagasse. Secret Service has already been warned not to tackle him every time he yells, "Bam!"
A man in Washington claims that United Airlines would not let him sit in first-class because he was wearing a tracksuit on the plane. But once officials realized it was Tony Soprano they let him sit in the cockpit with the pilot.
A woman in Minnesota will broadcast the birth of her first child on the Internet. You can watch the birth at "ICanSeeTheFacebook.com"
In an awkward moment, during the ceremony- Yankee fans started chanting "28! 28!" - and then hundreds of chinese food delivery guys showed up like, "Number 28 - Moo Shoo Chicken! - who ordered 28?"
Many are wondering who cleans up the all the left over ticker tape on the ground after the parade... Well, I did some research and found the answer: The Mets.
A new report found that there are 237 millionaires in Congress. Which automatically makes Congress the favorites to challenge the Yankees next year.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
11/5/09
The Yankees Championship parade is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 11 am, right down Broadway... Yankees fans can't wait to see their first parade since 2000... and Broadway fans are just excited to see 25 men riding in the back of a flatbed truck.
Police in Florida are searching for thieves who stole 90 bras from a Victoria’s Secret store. Police say in order to pull off the heist, the thieves must've needed a lot of support.
... Authorities believe the investigation could take years... or at least until the thieves figure out how to unhook all of the bras.
A new study in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that married couples become happier when they have kids. Meanwhile single people become happier when they have a bowl of cereal for dinner.
7-Eleven will soon begin selling two low-priced wines... They'll be available in half bottle, full bottle and Big Gulp.
... One's a "Slur-Pinot Noir" and the other's a "Slur-Pinot Grigio".
... Customers can pair each wine with various cured meats preserved for months on a bed lukewarm, metal coils.
In a new interview with British GQ, Nicole Kidman says that she has “explored strange sexual fetish stuff” in the past - Which is just a nice way of saying she had sex with Tom Cruise.
Although the Yankees have now won 27 World Titles - this is only their 9th ticker tape parade. But it's the first where the ticker tape will be made entirely from shredded hundred dollar bills.
Jeremy Piven said in a recent interview he drank so much soy milk that he grew “man boobs.” In fact his boobs got so big Piven was cast as an extra in Entourage.
Police in Florida are searching for thieves who stole 90 bras from a Victoria’s Secret store. Police say in order to pull off the heist, the thieves must've needed a lot of support.
... Authorities believe the investigation could take years... or at least until the thieves figure out how to unhook all of the bras.
A new study in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that married couples become happier when they have kids. Meanwhile single people become happier when they have a bowl of cereal for dinner.
7-Eleven will soon begin selling two low-priced wines... They'll be available in half bottle, full bottle and Big Gulp.
... One's a "Slur-Pinot Noir" and the other's a "Slur-Pinot Grigio".
... Customers can pair each wine with various cured meats preserved for months on a bed lukewarm, metal coils.
In a new interview with British GQ, Nicole Kidman says that she has “explored strange sexual fetish stuff” in the past - Which is just a nice way of saying she had sex with Tom Cruise.
Although the Yankees have now won 27 World Titles - this is only their 9th ticker tape parade. But it's the first where the ticker tape will be made entirely from shredded hundred dollar bills.
Jeremy Piven said in a recent interview he drank so much soy milk that he grew “man boobs.” In fact his boobs got so big Piven was cast as an extra in Entourage.
11/4/09
Sesame Street turns 40 this month! Apparently Oscar the Grouch is so depressed about getting old he's already traded in his garbage can for a Ferrari.
The Chinese government has approved construction of a $3.5 billion Shanghai Disneyland – to be completed in about 6 years. The main attraction: "General Tso's Wild Ride."
Happy, happy 40th birthday to Matthew McConaughey! When asked how it feels to turn the big 4-0, he said, "NOT Alright, alright, alright."
The New York Post printed up posters of the Phillies' pitcher Pedro Martinez as a "baby in diapers" with the phrase, "Who's your Daddy?!" Ugh, all this "who's your daddy" stuff has been going on between Pedro and Yankees since 2004 - can't they just go on Maury Povich and settle it already?
The New York Post printed up posters of the Phillies' pitcher Pedro Martinez as a "baby in diapers" with the phrase, "Who's your Daddy?!" - And to add more fuel to the fire Page Six is reporting that Pedro's daddy might actually be Jon Gosselin.
... John Edwards.
... Mel Gibson.
The Irish accent has been voted the sexiest in the world. The least sexy: Your boyfriend's Austin Powers impression.
The least sexy: Your boyfriend's Borat impression.
A doctor in New York created a new iPhone app that lets people see what they would look like if they got plastic surgery. It's great, after you use the app 100 times, you look exactly like Joan Rivers.
The Chinese government has approved construction of a $3.5 billion Shanghai Disneyland – to be completed in about 6 years. The main attraction: "General Tso's Wild Ride."
The Chinese government has approved construction of a $3.5 billion Shanghai Disneyland – to be completed in about 6 years. The main attraction: "General Tso's Wild Ride."
Happy, happy 40th birthday to Matthew McConaughey! When asked how it feels to turn the big 4-0, he said, "NOT Alright, alright, alright."
The New York Post printed up posters of the Phillies' pitcher Pedro Martinez as a "baby in diapers" with the phrase, "Who's your Daddy?!" Ugh, all this "who's your daddy" stuff has been going on between Pedro and Yankees since 2004 - can't they just go on Maury Povich and settle it already?
The New York Post printed up posters of the Phillies' pitcher Pedro Martinez as a "baby in diapers" with the phrase, "Who's your Daddy?!" - And to add more fuel to the fire Page Six is reporting that Pedro's daddy might actually be Jon Gosselin.
... John Edwards.
... Mel Gibson.
The Irish accent has been voted the sexiest in the world. The least sexy: Your boyfriend's Austin Powers impression.
The least sexy: Your boyfriend's Borat impression.
A doctor in New York created a new iPhone app that lets people see what they would look like if they got plastic surgery. It's great, after you use the app 100 times, you look exactly like Joan Rivers.
The Chinese government has approved construction of a $3.5 billion Shanghai Disneyland – to be completed in about 6 years. The main attraction: "General Tso's Wild Ride."
Monday, November 2, 2009
11/2/09
Kosovo unveiled a statue of Bill Clinton yesterday to thank him for his humanitarian service to Serbia while he was president. Just like Clinton, the statue is always erect.
Daylight Savings started yesterday – we all got an extra hour of sleep... And then we all lost it by staying up to watch the World Series.
Did you guys hear this? Us Weekly is reporting that Alex Rodriguez has a portrait of himself as a centaur hanging over his bed. From the waist up it's ARod, and from the waist down it's a horse's ass.
“Michael Jackson’s "This Is It” won the weekend box office – with $21.3 million. Despite the title, there's already talk of a sequel... Mostly by plastic surgeons who used to hear, "This Is It" from Jackson all the time.
Sony is extending the original two-week run of “Michael Jackson’s "This Is It” after it made $101 million worldwide in its first five days. So apparently this ISN'T it.
Over the weekend, Abdullah Abdullah quit next week’s runoff election against President Hamid Karzai in Afghanistan. Many are questioning the move since polls showed he was leading Karzai by an Abdullah.
An Italian restaurant in New Hampshire set a new world record by making a 222.5-pound meatball. Or as KFed calls it, "an hors d' oeuvre ."
Happy, happy birthday to Nelly who turned 35 years old yesterday. He actually ruined his own surprise party... he showed up so early, no one was ready when he got "Th'errr."
Last night Jon Gosselin and Rabbi Shmuley Boteach held a public dialogue at a New York Jewish Center where John publicly apologized to Kate. It’s being billed as the “Schmear Summit”
This is interesting - Ford - the only major American auto manufacturer who didn't accept Federal bailout money - turned a one billion dollar profit over the last three months. Ford executives celebrated by taking a couple "Escorts" for a ride.
Harvard University will offer a sociology class based on the HBO show: “The Wire.” The syllabus requires students to purchase all five seasons of the show and a bag of crack from Omar.
It's a much better idea than last semester when they offered an acting class based on, "Entourage."
The class is extremely popular with male students but not so much with female students. They prefer the anotmy class based on, "Hung."
Daylight Savings started yesterday – we all got an extra hour of sleep... And then we all lost it by staying up to watch the World Series.
Did you guys hear this? Us Weekly is reporting that Alex Rodriguez has a portrait of himself as a centaur hanging over his bed. From the waist up it's ARod, and from the waist down it's a horse's ass.
“Michael Jackson’s "This Is It” won the weekend box office – with $21.3 million. Despite the title, there's already talk of a sequel... Mostly by plastic surgeons who used to hear, "This Is It" from Jackson all the time.
Sony is extending the original two-week run of “Michael Jackson’s "This Is It” after it made $101 million worldwide in its first five days. So apparently this ISN'T it.
Over the weekend, Abdullah Abdullah quit next week’s runoff election against President Hamid Karzai in Afghanistan. Many are questioning the move since polls showed he was leading Karzai by an Abdullah.
An Italian restaurant in New Hampshire set a new world record by making a 222.5-pound meatball. Or as KFed calls it, "an hors d' oeuvre ."
Happy, happy birthday to Nelly who turned 35 years old yesterday. He actually ruined his own surprise party... he showed up so early, no one was ready when he got "Th'errr."
Last night Jon Gosselin and Rabbi Shmuley Boteach held a public dialogue at a New York Jewish Center where John publicly apologized to Kate. It’s being billed as the “Schmear Summit”
This is interesting - Ford - the only major American auto manufacturer who didn't accept Federal bailout money - turned a one billion dollar profit over the last three months. Ford executives celebrated by taking a couple "Escorts" for a ride.
Harvard University will offer a sociology class based on the HBO show: “The Wire.” The syllabus requires students to purchase all five seasons of the show and a bag of crack from Omar.
It's a much better idea than last semester when they offered an acting class based on, "Entourage."
The class is extremely popular with male students but not so much with female students. They prefer the anotmy class based on, "Hung."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)