5/11/09

Michelle Obama took a group of 20 staffers out for burgers on Friday.
And when I say, “she took them” I mean she literally carried all 20
staffers in her arms.

Star Trek topped the box office this weekend with $76.5 million
dollars. The number would have been higher but all the Trekkies that
arrived at the theatre wearing red uniforms were killed immediately.

Suzanne Boyle turned down the chance to attend the White House
Correspondent’s Dinner on Saturday and meet the President. Apparently
she didn’t want to steal the spotlight from Obama.

China has overtaken the US and Brazil’s largest trading partner… which
is amazing since nobody in China can even pronounce “Brazi-RRR”.

Joe Biden spoke at Syracuse’s graduation ceremony this weekend and
told the graduates they have the power to shape history. Unfortunately
none of the students heard him say it ‘cause they were too busy
staring at his hair.

Congratulations to Oprah Winfrey who received an honorary doctorate
from Duke University this weekend... which officially makes her a
doctor of giving away free shit.

A court in Wisconsin ruled that police can attach GPS to cars and
secretly track people’s movements without obtaining search warrants… I
think we finally know where Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location is…

Michael Jackson will no longer have David Copperfield perform during
his London concerts because he wants one million dollars per show.
It’s a shame too ‘cause I heard Copperfield was gonna make Jackson’s
old face reappear.

Michael Jackson wants to use "Mindfreak" Chris Angel as part of his fifty
concerts in London. Angel said it's an honor for a "Mindfreak" like
him just to be considered to work with a "complete freak" like
Jackson.

Dick Cheney seems to be everywhere in the media, criticizing Obama's
policies. It seems like there's a new video of Cheney released every
day. He's like the new Bin Laden!