5/6/09

Keifer Sutherland headbutted designer Jack McCollough and broke his
nose at a party on Monday night. I know his methods sound harsh but he
did get McCollough to tell us where Bin Laden is hiding...

Scientists in Britain created a racecar that can go 145 miles per hour
and run on vegetable oil and chocolate. The only downside is the car
has terrible teeth.

Sales of the novel “Netherland” have soared after President Obama said
he is reading it. Meanwhile sales of pretzels on Amtrak trains have
declined because Joe Biden won't shut up about them.

The President and Vice President made a surprise trip to a burger
joint in Virginia for lunch on Tuesday. Obama told Biden he could have
anything he wanted on the menu as long as he kept quiet on the car
ride home.

Paula Abdul revealed that she's been secretly addicted to prescription painkillers for almost thirty years.
It's the most shocking revelation by Abdul since she admitted that MC Scat Cat was NOT a real cat.