5/19/09

Happy birthday to ZZ Top co-frontman Dusty Hill who turned 60 years
old today. He said he knew he was getting old when he found 7000 gray
hairs in his beard.

Joe Biden accidentally revealed the location of the Vice President’s
secret bunker. It's some place you'd never think to look for Joe
Biden... the "Quiet Car" on the Amtrak train.

Mel Gibson’s Russian singer girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, is pregnant with
his baby. Gibson is said to be so excited he's already started
building a manger.

The entire cast of the Cosby Show reunited this morning on the Today
Show. Everybody got along until Al Roker accidentally ate half of
Cosby's hero sandwich.

Every finale this season seems to be ending the same way: On “24,”
Jack Bauer is fighting for his life. On “Grey’s Anatomy,” Izzy is
fighting for her life... and on "American Idol" Paula is fighting with
Simon Cowell.

... On "The Biggest Loser," all the contestants are fighting over a Hot Pocket.

... On "John and Kate Plus 8" John and Kate are fighting over which
four kids each one gets in the divorce.

... On NCIS, Leroy Jethro Gibbs is fighting for... I have no idea,
never seen the show.

A man in Massachusetts was arrested last week for eating a bowl of
cereal while he was driving. When cops told him he could have killed
someone and asked what the hell he was thinking, "Jerry Seinfeld said,
"What? Nooooo! No Kill! Snap, crackle, pop... no kill!"

WWE Chairman Vince McMahon called Denver Nuggets owner Stan Kroenke a
"bad businessman" for booking a wrestling show at the Pepsi Center on
the same day the Nuggets are supposed to play game 4 of the NBA
playoffs. McMahon better be careful, if he keeps talking like this he
could wind up in the "Kroenke Clutch!"

ABC canceled “Samantha Who,” starring Christina Applegate. The network
said it was too similar to a "Lost" spinoff they're launching called,
"The Smoke Monster, What the Fuck?"

In a recent interview, President Obama said his daughters going on
dates would be an issue because of the Secret Service guards
constantly surrounding them. He did recommend that if they do start
dating, not to kiss and tell that blabbermouth Joe Biden.

... Which is strange because it never stopped President Clinton.

New York City has shut down 16 schools because of the swine flu. The
closings have left many parents with no choice but to "home wedgie"
their kids.

A man in Massachusetts was arrested last week for eating a bowl of
cereal while he was driving. The man said he wanted to see which side
of Crispix stayed crunchier in a car accident.