8/10/09

Congratulations to Cheech Marin who married his longtime girlfriend
this weekend. All the money from their wedding gifts will be placed in
a "joint" bank account.

President Obama met with the presidents of Canada and Mexico this
weekend to discuss a strategy for combating the swine flu epidemic.
The conversation took place over a few rounds of ice cold Robitussin.

... It's being billed as the first ever, "Tamiflu Summit."

An employee at an Oregon gas station discovered a mouse inside an ATM,
using $20 bills to build a nest. You believe this mouse, building a
nest out of $20 bills? Who's he think he is, Mickey?

... And you don't even want to know what he was doing with the $100 bills...

A prison inmate in Tennessee is suing the state, claiming that jail
officials lost his prosthetic leg. Lawyers for the state say his case
doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Officials at a Houston jail found a gun that an obese inmate hid in
the folds of his skin – that went unnoticed after five body searches.
Which is why now, Plaxico Burress only goes to the club with offensive
linemen.

Just want to say, get well soon to Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler. Last week
he broke his shoulder and needed stitches in his head after falling
from the stage during a concert. Witnesses say the fall didn't faze
Tyler, he was still "livin' it up while -- goin' dooooooooooown!"
(Singing)