8/5/09

Well, it's official, Paul Abdul has quit American Idol and will not
return as a judge for season nine... But if anyone can get her to
return it's Bill Clinton.

Well, it's official, Paul Abdul has quit American Idol and will not
return as a judge for season nine. She announced her departure on
Twitter in a statement that read: "It's with great regret that I..."
and then the rest was just q's and semicolons..

Well, it's official, Paul Abdul has quit American Idol and will not
return as a judge for season nine. She said she wants to work on a
show that really appreciates her talents... like the Rock of Love Bus.

Well, it's official, Paul Abdul has quit American Idol and will not
return as a judge for season nine. She said she wanted to spend more
time with her loved ones... Gin and Tonic

Well, it's official. Fox has confirmed that Paula Abdul will not
return as a judge on the upcoming ninth season of American Idol. Wow.
Poor Paula, losing a job like that has to be a bitter "bottle of
pills" to swallow.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was sworn into office as President of the Islamic
Republic of Iran after winning a second term in a contested election.
He received the oath of office in a ceremony held in front of his
mirror.

Congratulations to Eli Manning of the New York Giants –he signed a $97
million contract, making him the highest paid player in the NFL.
That’s good news for his teammates because it means now Manning has
more lunch money for them to steal.

The North Korean State Media is reporting that Bill Clinton apologized
for the journalists’ behavior, but now Clinton denies ever making an
apology. In fact when asked point blank Clinton said, “I did not have
apologetic relations with that Prime Minister.” (As Clinton)

A Staten Island woman successfully sued Little League Baseball after
her son hurt his knee while attempting to slide into second base. The
woman received $125,000… but she was hoping for a new son.

A four-year-old boy in England was invited to join Mensa after he
scored a 144 on an IQ test. So let me be the first to say, "Welcome to
the club, mate!"