9/9/09

Forbes.com ranked fishing and logging as the world’s most dangerous jobs. The least dangerous job in the world: ranking jobs for Forbes.com.

The long-awaited remastered editions of the Beatles 12 studio albums were released today. The songs are so clear you can actually hear Yoko complaining in the background.

Health officials in Australia are telling doctors to drink 6 cups ofcoffee a day to stay awake during long shifts. Damn, 6 cups of coffee,that’s a lot of toilets flushing in the opposite direction.

eBay is auctioning off a dinner for five with Sarah Palin for aminimum bid of $25,000. Word of advice to the winner, don’t order the soufflé.

Due to the current financial crisis, the United States lost its title as the most competitive economy to Switzerland. When US bankers heard about this they were like, “Nah ah, we bet you a billion dollars we're more competitive than the Swiss!”

A White House panel of space experts says that returning to the moon by 2020 is too expensive. Which is all Congress needed to hear - sosee ya in 2020… moon!

Instead of showing President Obama’s big health care speech tonight, FOX went ahead with the season premiere of its dance competitionseries “So You Think You Can Dance.” Which is unfortunate for the dancers since Obama’s plan doesn’t cover groin injuries.

Bernie Madoff's penthouse apartment in New York is on the market. It is expected to fetch between 8 and 10 million dollars. Or in Madoff terms: 20 million cigarettes.

President Obama’s health care speech to Congress tonight was seen by many pundits as a definitive point in his presidency. It's way moredefinitive than all his other primetime televised speeches.

Today is 9/09/09… It’s a very rare occurrence. The next time consecutive numbers will appear in a date nobody will care either.

Re-mastered versions of every Beatles album came out today. When Ringo heard this he said, “Remastered? But I never mastered them in the first place.”

Beatles Rock Band came out today featuring replica instruments just like ones the Beatles used to play. There’s Paul’s bass and Ringo’s drums… and in a five years they’ll come out with George’s sitar.